在我主1123年... In the year of Our Lord 1123,
国王路易六世，外号“胖子”，发动了战争来反对他的表兄... King Louis VI, known as "The Fat", waged war against his cousin,
亨利一世，英格兰国王暨诺曼底公爵。 Henry I, King of England and Duke of Normandy.
很多勇敢的骑士和他并肩战斗。 Many brave knights fought beside him.
他们信仰上帝和神灵的力量。 They believed in God and the forces of Evil.
殿下 Your Majesty,
时间要紧！ time is of the essence.
我应该提醒您我们在人家的地盘。 Need I remind you we are in their camp?
安静，蒙特米瑞尔 爱不能匆匆忙忙！ Silence, Montmirail. Love knows not haste!
公主！ Princess...
如果公爵大人，发现了 If the Duke discovers
这个极端敏感的中心， this shocking entrevue,
他会杀了我们！ he'll murder us!
我只是做我所想做的！ I do what I want!
高德福洛埃大人！ Sire Godefroy!
英国人！ The English!
我的手下看见 My vassal sees
骑兵正在逼近！ horsemen approaching.
我马上就来。 We are coming.
我求您了，殿下，请快一点！ I beg of you, Your Majesty, make haste!
再见，我的甜心！我必须和我的人会合了！ Adieu, my sweet. I must join my men.
我能很快再见到你吗？ Will I see you soon?
当我的表兄，英格兰国王改正错误时就能再见了。 When my cousin, the King of England, makes amends.
你爱我吗，凯瑟琳？ Do you love me, Kathleen?
当然，路易！ Yes, Louis.
那就答应我最后一个请求，不然我会死掉的！ Then accord me one last favor, should I die.
让我看看你的脚踝！ - Hush hush... Show me your ankles.
欧，不！ Oh, No!
求你了，我亲爱的公主！ My dear Princess...
太难为情了！ It's so shocking!
我恳求你，我深爱的女人！ I beseech thee, lady-love.
高点 提到你的膝盖！ Higher. Up to your knees.
我的上帝！太美了！ My God! How beautiful!
大人 Sire...
他们来了！ they're coming.
谁在那儿？ Who's up there?
没人！只有您的侄女一个人！ Nobody! Your niece is alone.
大人，这边！ Come, Sire.
我的主人！ My Lord!
再见了！ Adieu!
我的主人！ My Lord!
对不起，叔叔！ I'm sorry, dear uncle.
你这个可恶的说谎者！ Bloody liar!
时空急转弯 / 访客 THE VISITORS
这边！ This way.
快!快！我的主人！ Hurry! This way! My Lord!
是国王！我抓住他们了！ King! I capture thee!
国王，让我来！ Let me, my King!
说谎！ 国王从来不会被抓住！ Liar! The King is never captured.
即便是在象棋里也不会！ Not even in chess.
奋进！永不退缩！ Toil! Never recoil!
是国王！吹响号角！ Sound the horns! The King!
主人！您活着！ Master! You're alive!
赞美上帝！ God be praised!
我设法把您的马和武器藏起来了！ I managed to save your horse and your arms.
你也设法逃跑，像往常一样！ You managed to flee, as usual.
没用的废物！ Castrated clod!
高德福洛埃大人，国王在叫您！ Sire Godefroy, The King summons you.
废物！ Castrated clod!
大人...国王！ Sires...the King!
我亲爱的高德福洛埃骑士！ My kind knight Godefroy
真配得上他的名字，铁汉！ merits indeed his name "The Hardy".
从来没有辱没他的佩带 His baldrick was nary stuckolded.
用他的剑 With his sword,
他拿下了丑恶的英格兰人的头！ he yslaked a scurvy English head.
高德福洛埃. Godefroy Amaury de Malfete,
蒙特米瑞尔的伯爵，及安普雷蒙特和柏宾客特郡的伯爵！ Count of Montmirail, of Apremont, and of Popincourt
我这样奖赏你的勇气！ I shall thus reward your valor.
圣上，我是您永久的仆人！ Sire, I am your eternal servant.
我知道你渴望有后代， I know you deSire descendants.
你将有一周的时间 You have one week to fetch
去找这个王国中最端庄的少女！ one of the fairest Wenches in the Kingdom:
庞利亚公爵的女儿！ 我知道你爱慕她！ the daughter of the Duke of Puglia. I know you adore her.
她是你要娶的人！ She is yours to wed.
我该如何感激？ How can I thank thee?
为国王效劳是我的荣幸！ To serve my King is my Honor.
国王万岁！ Long live the King!
他是谁？蠢货扎奎斯！ - Who is he? - Jacquasse the Crass.
我的家臣！他本应在外面等！ My vassal. He should be waiting outside.
他没什么长处，但他能像一个优秀的猎犬一样嗅出踪迹！ He lacks grace, but he sniffs out a trail like a good hound.
我们必须避开马尔康贝森林... 而从蒙特尼斯经过！ We must avoid the Forest of Malcombe, and pass by Montargis.
避开森林？ Avoid the forest?
您知道那里闹鬼，阁下！没人敢进入那里！ You know it's haunted, Sire. No one dares penetrate it.
胡说！ Hogwash!
我的订婚典礼不能等！ My betrothed must not wait!
蒙特康贝的女巫怎么办？ What about the witch of Malcombe?
骑到前面带路！ Ride ahead of The Crass.
她能把一支军队变成青蛙的呕吐物！ she can turn an army into frog vomit.
在她的触摸下你的皮肤会流脓... At her touch, your skin spits pus.
你会掉进淤泥！ and you pisseth mud.
她的惩罚能延续七代！ She can damn 7 generations.
我们死定了！ We're doomed!
死定了！ Doomed!
每个人心中的痛 Per Ansia
奎里巴斯的回忆 Queribus Memorium
停下不然变成鼻涕虫！ "Halt or becometh a slug."
是拉丁人和西哥特人， It's Latin and Visigoth.
魔鬼的诅咒！ The Devil's drool!
黑色安息日！快撤！ A Black Sabbath. Let's splitteth!
她想干什么？ What does she want?
让那个老女人重返年轻！不可能的事！ To make that old hag young again. It's impossible!
喝！喝！ Drink! Drink!
她在哪儿？ Where is she?
不用怕！她会掉回来的！ Fear not. She'll drop back in.
真让人震惊，重新拥有了处女纯洁的身体！ What a blast to have a virgin's unpolluted body again!
她还那么丑！ She's plug-ugly!
和我娶她那天一样！ Just like the day I married her!
魔法！ It's devildom!
投降吧，她是魔鬼！ Surrender, She-Devil!
我们要肢解她 We'll dismember her
并且切碎她的舌头！ and slice out her tongue.
让我们咬碎她的肠胃！ Let rats gnaw on her innards.
在我的土地上不准对女人用刑！ No lady is tortured on my lands.
烧死她！ Just burn her.
谢谢您，大人！ Thank you, Sire.
谢谢您！您太好了！ Thank you. You are too good!
终于到了...我的城堡！ At last... my castle.
拿出我们最好的衣服 Unpack our best apparels
向我的爱人表示敬意！ to honor my beloved.
扎奎斯，帮我更衣！ Jacquasse, help me change.
是，阁下！ Yes, Sire.
我没有漂亮衣服！ I have no fine apparels.
她都不会看你！ she won't even see you.
我的鞋子还有我最精致的外套！ My shoes and my fanciest shell.
盖尼兰，吹响号角通知我的到来！ Ganelon, sound the horn to announce my arrival.
我是多么激动啊，福尔伯特大人... How thrilled am I, Sire Fulbert,
我的儿子订婚。 that my son weddeth your sweet
和您甜美温柔的女儿 and gentle daughter.
我希望她嫁给一个公爵... I wanted her to weddeth a Duke,
但是我们的国王做出了另外的决定！ but our Fat King decided otherwise.
爱情捣的鬼！ Cursed be love.
再来些葡萄酒！让我多尿一些！ More wine! Let me piss a-plenty!
父亲，你答应我不在婚礼上打饱嗝的！ Father, you promised nary to burp for my marriage.
蒙特米瑞尔伯爵！ The Count of Montmirail!
弗莱尼冈蒂！你到哪儿去？回来！ Frenegonde! where are you going? Frenegonde! Come back!
立刻回到这儿来！ Come back this instant!
弗莱尼冈蒂！回来！ Frenegonde! Come back!
没有公爵的女儿会追赶 No Duke's daughter runs after
一个区区的伯爵！ a mere Count.
你看起来很怪异！ You look good and gentle.
并且相当不舒服！ And mighty uncomfortable.
为什么？ Why?
咄！ 瓶塞掉了！ Zounds! The flask falleth all alone.
递给我！我急需解渴！ Give it to me. My thirst needs a-quenching!
城堡！ The castle!
老天！ Holy scrotums!
它像一个气鼓鱼一样膨胀了！ It swelleth like a blowfish!
它带着假发！ It's wearing a wig!
高德福洛埃大人，你哪里不舒服吗？ Sire Godefroy, are you not well?
什么魔鬼的骗术？ By what devil-craft?
怎么了？ What's wrong?
高德福洛埃！高德福洛埃！ Godefroy! Godefroy!
回来，你这个缺德的姑娘！ Come back, you wicked wench!
回来！ Come back!
回来，你这个荡妇！ Come back, you foul slut!
上帝保佑！一只熊在追捕她！ God shield! A bear is chasing her!
我的十字弓！ My crossbow!
回来！ Come back!
没有熊！ There's no bear.
让开，亲爱的！让开！ Steer clear, beloved! Steer clear!
弗莱尼冈蒂！ Frenegonde!
不！ No!
爸爸！ Father!
我看见一只巨兽！ I saw a huge beast.
我要在修道院度过余生，并忠实于你！ I'll spend my life in a convent, faithful to you.
我永远不能和杀害我父亲的人订婚！ I can ne'er wed the man who killed my father.
我明白，我的未婚妻！ I understand, my betrothed.
我也将忠实于你！ I'll be faithful too.
我将永不结婚... I shall ne'er marry...
永远不生孩子！ ne'er have descendants.
别附和我！ Don't do me any favors.
你在干什么？ What are you up to?
在为他的灵魂祈祷！ I was praying for his saIvation.
我父亲的巫师在哪里？ Where is my father's wizard?
尤萨比尤斯？ Eusaebius?
我找到他了！ I found him.
他住在那边，离这不远！ He lives yonder, not far from here.
但是他们说他太老了！ But they say he's senile.
我能让公爵您重生！ I can make your Duke live again.
但是你不能害怕！ But you must know no fear.
只有上帝才能做到！ Only God can do that!
你是对的：只有上帝能让死人复活！ You are right. Only God can bring back the dead.
但是还有另外一种方法。 But there is another way.
时间就像一座山被很多隐藏的隧道穿过！ Time is a mountain, pierced by many hidden tunnels.
我神奇的咒语能使你穿过它们！ My magic spells can give you access to them.
来见过安尼昂 Meet Angueran.
刀疤脸安尼昂 愿为您效劳！ Scarface Angueran. At your service.
还有我忠诚的冈尼兰！ And my loyal Ganelon.
你要返回到 You shall return
公爵死亡前的一瞬！ just before the Duke's death.
如果你在自己体内发现足够的力量... If you find enough force in yourself...
你就能改变箭的方向！ you will be able to change the course of the arrow.
你就能和你的未婚妻结婚了... You'll wed your betrothed,
并且能传宗接代了！ and have the lineage you desire.
太疯狂了！ It's sheer lunacy!
我的水蛭粉呢？ Where is my powder of leech?
好久不做了！我有些生疏了！ I haven't done this in ages. I'm a bit rusty.
他太老了！ He's senile!
啊，在这儿呢！ Here it is.
如果你不怕的话... If you fear not,
铁汉高德福洛埃，喝吧！ Godefroy the Hardy, drink.
你会刚好到达事故发生之前！ You'll arrive in the forest just before the accident.
别相信这个老傻瓜！ Don't trust the old fool!
如果高德福洛埃大人回不来，我们会把你锁进地牢... If Sire Godefroy doesn't return, We'll lock you in his dungeon
和你的咒语书一起锁上！ With your Book of spells.
相信我！ Trust me.
别喝它，大人！你会变成一个...青蛙 Don't drink it, Sire. You'll turn into a frog,
蝙蝠，或一只山羊，或一个修女的屁股！ or a bat, or a goat, or a nun's ass.
你可能说得对！ Perhaps you're right.
你先喝！ Drink first.
我？ Me?
我想看一看你是否会 I'll see if you
变成修女的屁股！ turn into a nun's ass.
如果你真的变了，我会为你报仇的！ If you do, I'll seek revenge.
喝！ Drink!
怎么样，蠢货？ So, my Crass?
像搅碎的粪便！ It tastes like pig excrement.
使用甜美的饮品是邪恶的妖术！ Candied concoctions are for evil sorcerers.
快点喝！我必须念咒语了！ Drink hastily. I must say the incantation.
如果我喝了 If I drank...
我也得去，是吗？ am I going too?
念咒语吧！ Say the incantation.
他们已经进入时间隧道了！ They've gone into the Tunnels of Time!
什么声音？ What's that noise?
你踩在什么上了？ What did you step on?
腐烂的鸡蛋！ Rotten eggs.
我忘了鹌鹑蛋了！ I forgot the quail eggs.
大事不好！ What a catastrophe!
站起来，下流坯！ stand up, peasant.
我们在哪儿？ Where are we?
我们的朋友呢？ And our friends?
这不是我的森林。 This isn't my Forest.
巫师把我们送错地方了！ The wizard misled us!
我有两条腿，大人！还有两条胳膊！ We have two legs, Sire. And two arms.
这真是奇迹！ 'Tis miracle enough.
给我找匹马来！ 快点！ Fetch me a horse. Make haste!
真恶心！ Pugh! It stinketh!
他疯了！ He's crazy!
大人！一个摩尔人！ Sire! A Moor!
一个摩尔人乘着魔鬼的战车！ A Moor in the Devil's chariot!
它是金属的，并且没有牛拉着它！ 'Tis metal, With no oxen to pull it!
大人，快看！ Sire, come see!
那儿，大人！那儿！ Thither, Sire! Thither!
疯子。 They're psychos.
他们一定是疯子！ They're psychos.
疯子！ Psychos!
这是谁的徽章？ Whose shield is this?
主啊，我们在天的父，我们得到指示了！ Lord our Father, We have sinned.
我们将承受这次考验 We'll bear this ordeal
一直到最后！ to the end.
给我们勇气 永不退缩！ Give us the courage never to recoil.
我们将遵从您！ We Will obey Thee.
阿门！ Amen.
真恶心！我们无法呼吸了！我们死定了！ It stinketh. We can't breathe! We're doomed!
不，我闻到吃的了！ No, I smell victuals.
那么多魔鬼的战车！ More diabolic chariots!
我们还是待在森林里吧！ Let's stay in the Forest.
不行！ No!
我们不能空着肚子战斗！ We can't fight on an empty belly.
两份烧烤！ Two burgers!
法国小鱼加番茄酱！ French fries and ketchup!
你们！ Yo guys!
是万圣节吗？ Is it Halloween?
你穿这样是去耍把戏还是去做招待？ You're dressed to go trick or treating!
闭嘴，婊子！ Silence, strumpet.
拿着这个滚蛋吧！ Take this and go your way.
别烦我们。 Leave us be.
神圣的摩西！ Holy Moses!
你们是电视明星吗？ Are you TV stars?
走开！走开！ Shove off! Shove off!
我不想惹不通快，女士们先生们... I don't want to impose, Ladies and Gents,
但既然你们在进行奇怪表演... but since you're in show-biz,
你们知道哪儿有一流的经纪人吗？ do you know any... big-time agents?
闭嘴，下流坯，不然我揍你！ Quiet, peasant, or I'll smacketh you.
是这样的，我学过唱歌和跳舞！ It just so happens I studied song and dance.
如果你能让我去试一下音... If you could get me an audition,
我的生活就会改变。 it'd change my life.
怎么了？我不比麦当娜差！ What's wrong? I'm no Worse than Madonna!
我们离开这个可恶的妓女！ Let us leave this vile bawd.
听！ Listen...
还赖在这不走吗，小偷？ 把肉排还回来！ still hanging around, sticky fingers? Give back the steaks!
当心！我是政治避难者！ Watch out! I'm a political refugee!
我受够你的欺诈了！ I'm sick of your shenanigans!
嘿！旅馆老板！ Ho! Innkeeper!
你殴打女性？ You hit the fairer sex?
这两个小丑到底想干什么？ What the hell do these two clowns want?
这儿不是流浪人员收容处！ This isn't a hobo hideout!
我是蒙特米瑞尔的高德福洛埃，爱普雷蒙特的伯爵... I am Godefroy of Montmirail, Count of Apremont
和柏宾客特郡的伯爵！我对我的属地拥有主宰权！ and of Popincourt. And I lord over my property.
沃特罗特先生！帮帮我！ Mr. Vautrot! Help!
叫警察！那个流浪女又在骚扰罗杰了！ Call the cops! The bag lady's bothering Roger again!
凶手！ Murderer!
快来，亲爱的！这个人是个武器疯子！ Come on, toots! This guy is gun crazy!
进攻，大人！ Attack, Sire!
跪下，小流氓！ On your knees, punk!
蒙特乔伊！以圣丹尼斯之名！ Montjoie! St. Denis!
扎奎斯！扎奎斯！ Jacquasse! My Jacquasse!
嘿！很容易搞定！ Easy does it, hot stuff.
攻击！ Attack!
蒙特乔伊！ Montjoie!
庇护！ Asylum!
神父，我请求正式庇护！ Father, I beseech the right to asylum.
咪，咪，宝贝！ Mi... Mi, honey.
对了！ That's it.
继续练习，可爱的宝贝！我很快就会回来！ Keep on practicing, love. I'll be right back.
您好，女伯爵？我是是赫夫神父！ Hello, Countess? It's Father Herve.
您好神父！ Hello, Father.
是这样，我的弥撒被打断了... Yes, well... My mass was interrupted...
是一个穿着怪异的流氓捣的乱！ by a hooligan dressed in a very peculiar way.
他声称自己是蒙特米瑞尔郡的伯爵 ！ He claims to be the Count of Montmirail etc, etc...
坦率地讲，他好像有点精神失常！ Quite frankly, he seems off his rocker.
蒙特米瑞尔伯爵？爸爸在81年就死了！ The Count of Montmirail? Daddy died in '81.
我知道，碧翠斯！是我给他举行的葬礼！这个人声称自己叫“铁汉”！ I know, Beatrice. I buried him. This one claims to be called "The Hardy".
他的短袍上有你们家族的徽章！ He has your family arms on his tunic.
铁汉高德福洛埃？太荒谬了！ Godefroy the Hardy? How absurd.
快点过来！ Come quickly.
他看起来脾气很坏！ He looks ornery.
喂？喂？赫夫神父？ Hello? Hello?... Father Herve?
这是什么？ What is this?
是联合国儿童基金会日历！ It's the UNICEF calendar.
啊！快点！ Hurry!
他正忙着祷告！ 他看了今天的日历日期显得非常震惊！ He's busy praying. He saw today's date and went into a state of shock.
他声称生于1076年！ He claims to be born in 1076.
真是个怪人！ He's a crackpot.
我的未婚妻！ My betrothed.
你在这里？ You are here?
弗莱尼冈蒂！我美丽的弗莱尼冈蒂！ Frenegonde! My beautiful Frenegonde!
住手！会伤着我！ Stop! That totally hurts!
冷静，你这粗鲁的家伙！ Calm down, you brute!
是我！ It is I.
住手！我不认识你！ Stop. I don't know you.
弗莱尼冈蒂！ Frenegonde.
女伯爵不认识你！ The Countess doesn't know you.
你认错人了！ You've made a mistake.
等等，神父！ Cease, Father.
我真不敢相信！ Dare I understand?
此美丽夫人并非吾之所爱... This fair dame is not my beloved,
而是吾之后裔！ but my descendant.
我们之间相隔了1000年！ 1000 years betwixt us.
好了，我必须走了！我都分辨不出他和亚当的区别！ Yes. I have to go. I don't know him from Adam.
我从路易六世的时代来！请帮助我！ I'm from the time of Louis vl. Help me.
我该呼救吗？ Shall I call for help?
不！这个善良的人不会伤害我们！ No, this very nice man Won't harm us.
50法郎行吗？ Will 50 francs do?
我必须回到我的时代！ I must return to my time.
你有巫师吗？ Know'st thou a wizard?
对不起，没有巫师！我只知道盎司这个巫师！ No. sorry, no wizard. I know the wizard of Oz.
这个“盎司”在哪里？ Where is this "Oz"?
别动！我们会照顾你！ Don't budge. We'll take care of you.
谢谢你，我的甜心！ Thank you, my sweet.
这真是个奇迹！ It's a miracle.
好了，叫警察！ Okay, call the police.
那不太符合教义！ 当然符合教义！ - It's not very Christian. - Of course it is.
呸！太丑了！ Pugh! How ugly!
没有它们，我们在这就看不了电视。 Without them, We couldn't Watch TV. Here...
医生怎么吩咐的！ Just what the doc ordered.
谢谢你，老鸨！你人很丑像个魔鬼，但心肠很好！ Thanks, bawd. You're ugly as sin, but good-hearted.
也不看看你自己的鼻子？ Ever see your nose?
如果你打喷嚏，恐怕会刮台风吧？ When you sneeze, is it typhoon season?
你的葡萄酒很芳香，但水加多了！ Your wine is fruity, but a tad watery.
葡萄酒是我的，讨厌鬼！ The wine's mine, swine.
真是个下流的老饕！你连塑料都吃吗？ What a raunchy eater! You eat the plastic too?
巫师太老了！ The wizard was senile.
如果我逮到他，我会活剥他的皮。 If I catch him, I'll skin him alive.
别想那么坏。 Don't take it so bad.
那些警察老是踢我们！ Those pigs aIways get us.
你朋友是摔跤运动员吗？ Is your buddy a wrestler?
我在电视上看到过他。 I saw him on TV.
我想当一个歌手... I wanted to be a singer...
但那些负责面试的都是臭狗屎。 but they're all full of shit in show-biz.
我的大人是个武士... My Sire is a warrior,
国王所信赖的助手！蒙特米瑞尔郡的伯爵！ a trusted aide of our King. The Count of Montmirail.
蒙特米瑞尔？ Montmirail?
那个牙医的老婆？T The dentist's old lady?
他不能娶她！ He couldn't marry her!
所以我们才来这儿！ That's why we're here.
他们没结婚？ They're not married?
别开玩笑！瞧他那小胆！ No kidding! The nerve of that prude!
她在打折市场都显得如此盛气凌人！ She acts so holier-than-thou at the rummage sale.
臭婊子！ What a bitch!
你们来的好快！ You came so fast.
骑兵副队长吉邦！愿为您效劳，女伯爵！ Squadron sergeant-Major Gibon. At your service, Countess.
我带来了共和国卫队！ I brought the National Guard.
罪犯在哪？ Where's the offender?
我的天！你的骑兵中队太让人印象深刻了！ My stars! Your squadron is quite impressive.
他有点野蛮，但他只是个可怜的无家可归的人！ He's a bit brutal, but he's just a poor homeless person.
他们是后备队！ They're back-up.
这是鲍尔文先生。 This is Doctor Bauvin.
我们会先和他谈谈！判断一下那个家伙！ First we'll talk to him. Size up the beast.
我们走，鲍尔文！ Let's go, Bauvin.
祝好运！ Good luck!
她在哪儿？ Where is she?
够了！身份证件！绿卡！ Enough! Identity papers! Green card!
讲点心理学，副队长！ Psychology, Sergeant-Major.
你好！你是这附近的人吗？ Hello there. Are you from around here?
在我面前弯下腰 Bow down before me,
我会对你仁慈一点！ and I shall be clement.
为什么穿成这样？你是演员吗？ Why the costume? Are you an actor?
是为了拍电视吗？ Is this for TV?
真实摄录？我该微笑吗？ Candid Camera? Should I smile?
吾之后裔在何处？回答不然去死！ Where is my descendant? Answer or die!
让我来，副队长！他是个精神病！ Let me, Sergeant-Major. He's a sicko!
打一针你就会好的！ A little shot and you'll be good as new.
把胳膊给我！ ！ Give me your arm.
指挥官，加倍派人手进去！ Officer, send in your men on the double!
他是个疯子！他把医生当人质了！ He's a maniac! He took the doctor hostage!
谢谢你们的帮忙！ Thanks for coming!
蒙特乔伊！以圣丹尼斯之名！ Montjoie! St. Denis!
奋进！奋进！永不退缩！ Toil, toil! Never recoil!
我有个很大的怀疑！ I have a horrible doubt.
这个流浪者可能是我家庭的一员！ This tramp just may be part of my family.
什么？ What?
“蒙特乔伊”是法国骑士战斗时的口号！ "Montjoie" is the battle cry of French knights.
“奋进！永不退缩！”是铁汉高德福洛埃的座右铭！ "Toil! Never recoil!" is the motto of Godefroy the Hardy.
那是我家族的座右铭！ It's my family's motto.
所以你有了疑问？ Now you have doubts?
他已经安静下来了。 He's calmed down.
把他放倒。我要让他睡一觉。 Hold him down. I'll put him to sleep.
不，我错了！ 我以前从没见过他！ No, my mistake! I never saw him before.
不会伤着你！我把神经杀死了！ It can't hurt. I killed the nerve.
让-皮埃尔，来一下！ Jean-Pierre, come here.
对不起！女士 Excuse me, ma'am.
我马上就回来！ I'll just be a minute.
你记得我的表兄休伯特吗？ Do you remember my cousin Hubert?
玛莎的儿子！海军学院的！ Martha's son. Naval Academy.
那个赛车手？我没见过他！ The race car driver? I never met him.
那当然！在我们结婚之前他就在婆罗州失踪了！ Obviously. He disappeared in Borneo before our marriage.
我认为他还活着！ 什么？ - I think he's alive. - What?
听起来很滑稽，可能是现代泰山！ As wacky as it sounds, today's Tarzan...
休伯特他完全变了！ is probably Hubert. He's totally changed.
你告诉我说他是个懒汉！ You said he was a bum.
他有家庭遗传！ He had family air.
肉感的鼻子，大额头！ The sensual nose, the large forehead...
你遇到了一个长着闪亮的红鼻子的被遗弃者 You meet a derelict With a shiny red schnozz, and now...
并发现他是一个耽于酒色的表兄！ he's a long-lost sensual cousin!
一个带着我们家族徽章的表兄！ A cousin with our arms!
别只是站在那儿！过来看看！ Don't just stand there. Come look.
看，蒙特米瑞尔家族像集！ Look. The Montmirail family album.
这是我们第一个伯爵，铁汉高德福洛埃！ Here's our first Count, Godefroy The Hardy.
相同的鼻子和额头！ It's the same nose and forehead.
那是900年前的画像！和休伯特有什么关系？ That's a 900-year old drawing. What's the link with Hubert?
我要给城堡打电话！ 休伯特19岁时... I'll call the castle. When Hubert was 19,
他画过家族最后一张画像！ he posed for the last family portrait.
异想天开！ A wild-goose chase!
蒙特米瑞尔的碧翠斯-杰拉尔德找扎奎尔特先生！ Beatrice Goulard de Montmirail for Mr. Jacquart.
你好，女伯爵！我是弗里德里克！ Hello, Countess. It's Frederick.
弗雷德，扎奎斯-亨利在吗？ Fred, is Jacques-Henri there?
等一下！提前说一句，他正在修理锅炉！ One minute. A word of warning: he's repairing the boiler.
他在边上。 He's on edge.
扎奎斯-亨利！ Jacques-Henri!
为什么你这么粗暴地操作控制杆？ Why did you jerk the lever so violently?
你让我做的！ You asked me to.
饶了我吧！ spare me.
我醒目的夹克衫现在成了肮脏的破布了！ My stunning vest is now a filthy rag.
扎奎斯-亨利！ Jacques-Henri!
喊什么？ Why are you shouting?
蒙特米瑞尔的碧翠斯 Beatrice de Montmirail.
卵袋！ What a ball-buster.
扎奎尔特？ Jacquart?
对？ Yes?
锅炉出问题了？ Boiler trouble?
毛病已经修好了！ The burner is ruined.
让-弗朗科伊斯猛拉操作杆！ Jean-Francois yanked on the lever.
油喷出来了！ Oil spurt out.
我差一点被毁容！别提我的夹克衫了！ I was nearly disfigured. Not to mention my jacket.
没一个有用的人！ No one is of any help.
好在没死人 ！ At least no one died.
感谢上帝！ Thank God.
我也有个问题！ I have a problem too.
你能帮我一个忙吗？ Can I ask you a favor?
到楼上的画廊，在我们家族的最后一张画像... Go upstairs to the Gallery. In our last family portrait...
有一个皇家海军军官！ there's a Royal Navy cadet.
第二排！帽子上有羽毛的那个！ 你有宝拉吗？ second row. The kepi with a feather. Do you have a Pola?
什么？ A what?
宝丽来，扎奎斯！ 孩子们把我们的扔在洗手间了！ A Polaroid, Jacques. The children threw ours in the toilet.
我们没有“宝拉”，并且我名字叫扎奎斯-亨利，不是扎奎斯！ We have no "Pola". And my name is Jacques-Henri, not Jacques.
你要明白，扎奎尔特... 我表兄正在精神失常收容所。 Try to understand, Jacquart my cousin is in an insane asylum
由于意外 by accident.
我帮不了你表兄 I can't help your cousin.
我们很忙。 We're busy.
伯尔尼和伯尔尼银行正在这开一个研讨会！ The Bernay and Bernay Bank is here for a seminar.
埃德格 伯尔尼就快在冷水里洗澡了！ Edgar Bernay will be bathing in cold water.
即使我有一个“宝拉”，我也不会替你拍照！ so, even if I had a "Pola", I wouldn't take your picture.
好吧，我要挂断了。我要自己处理这件事。 Okay, I'll hang up. I'll deal with this myself.
回见 ！ Toodle-oo.
总算消停了！ Good riddance.
先生？ sir...
嗯？ Yes.
房间太潮了！伯尔尼先生正在不停地打喷嚏！ The rooms are horribly humid. Mr. Bernay is sneezing non-stop.
他想在演讲后缓和下来... He wanted to relax after his speech on sponsoring.
所以他洗了个澡。 so he took a shower.
好冰冷的澡！ Ice-cold.
他的头上满是洗发水。 His head is full of shampoo.
如果你不能恢复热水供应... If you can't get the hot water back,
我们将不得不缩短研讨会！ We'll have to cut short the seminar.
傻瓜相机好用吗？ Does the Instamatic work?
我正在清洗派丽西亚夫人的臼齿！ I'm draining Mrs. Pelissier's molar.
我没事！ It'll be fine.
这是蒙特米瑞尔家的房子。 This is the Montmirail's house.
别着急！ Take it easy!
他们会骂我们走的！停下来！ They'll bawI us out. stop!
他们会因为噪音污染叫警察来的！ They'll call the cops for noise pollution.
试试这个门铃！ Try ringing the bell.
拿开！他们会把我们踢出去的！ Knock it off! They'll kick us out!
扎奎尔特，你为什么穿成这样？ Jacquart, Why are you dressed like that?
原谅我们的打扰 Excuse our excessive chiming,
公爵您... your Grace...
弗莱尼冈蒂女士！ Lady Frenegonde!
真意外！你疯啦！ Let me go! You're crazy!
她是我的女主人！ She's my mistress!
什么？ What?
让-皮埃尔，到这来！ Jean-Pierre, come here.
扎奎尔特也叫我弗莱尼冈蒂！ Jacquart is calling me "Frenegonde" too.
你和她睡过了？ 别担心！ You slept with her? Don't worry.
他看起来很怪，但他和蒙特米瑞尔的替身演员是哥们！ He looks weird but he's pals With Montmirail the stuntman.
蒙特米瑞尔的替身演员？ Montmirail the stuntman?
你一定是指休伯特，那个赛车手！ You must mean Hubert, the race car driver.
替身演员，摔跤运动员... Stuntman, wrestler...
赛车手... race car driver...
指的是同一个人 same diff.
不过你是谁？ But who are you?
蠢货扎奎斯！你认不出我了？ Jacquasse the Crass. You don't recognizeth me?
对，我认不出来你！你是休伯特的朋友？ No, I don't recognizeth you. You're Hubert's friend?
蒙特米瑞尔的休伯特，好一个彪形大汉！ Hubert de Montmirail, whatta hunk.
他为人如此周到... And so considerate...
像您一样，夫人。 Like you, your Ladyship.
他骑起马来像凯文 科斯特纳。 And he gallops like Kerwin Costnere.
我真是个胆小鬼，我和大人分散了！ Coward that I am, I lost track of my Sire
在酒吧里 at the inn.
他们打了一架！ They got in a brawI
在雷米沃特罗特矿车站 at Remi Vautrot's pit stop.
鞭打我吧 Whip me...
夫人！ your Ladyship!
怎么回事？ What is it?
扎奎尔特？ 汝认识我？ - Jacquart? - Thou know'st me?
什么？ What?
一个饥饿的扎奎尔特！ A Jacquart from hunger.
我糊涂了 I'm lost.
杰拉尔德先生！ Mr. Goulard...
啊，你好！ Yes, hello...
他是一个朋友... He's a friend
休伯特的 按照她的说法 of Hubert's. According to her,
休伯特已经成了一个替身演员和摔跤手！ Hubert has become a stuntman and a wrestler.
好可怕的牙齿！让我看一下！ What horrible teeth! Let's have a look.
我不是骡子！咄！ I'm no mule! Zounds!
那个蠢驴咬伤了我！ 我要去打破伤风针！ That ass bit me! I need a tetanus shot!
他可能还有狂犬病！ He might even have rabies!
那不是扎奎尔特！他的牙齿套是我做的！ It isn't Jacquart. I did his bridge-work.
显而易见，让-皮埃尔！ Obviously, Jean-Pierre.
他证明休伯特还活着！ He proves that Hubert is alive.
我们必须把他弄出医院！ We have to get him out of the hospital.
你傍上女伯爵了？哈哈哈！ You banged the Countess?
婊子！ Bitch.
流浪汉不能上来！我的车不是挪亚方舟！ The bum can't come. My car isn't Noah's ark.
打开窗户！ Open the window.
他的体臭真无法忍受！ His body odor is unbearable.
他的脸好绿！ He's very, very green.
停车！ 他要吐了！ Stop the car. He's going to vomit.
等一下！ Wait a second!
憋住！ Hold it in!
就要吐了！ It's coming!
全让他搞砸了。 He got it all over.
真恼火！ 他吐在我鞋上了！ What a pig! He puked on my shoes!
你表兄非常暴力！他差点阉割了我！ Your cousin is very violent. He nearly castrated me.
没用的废物！ Castrated clod!
什么？ What?
他救了我们国王的命！ He saved our King's life.
什么？ What?
啊，我的孩子！ Ah, my youngling.
为什么你抛弃我？ Why did you abandon me?
小红球 Their little red balls
把我弄睡了！ made me sleep.
主人！主人！ Master! Master!
为什么你被绑了？赎金是多少？ Why are you bound? How much is the ransom?
安静，蠢货！ Silence, peasant!
小红球是安定药！ The "Iittle red balls" are valium.
我们足足用了五十毫克！ 他才刚刚能睡着！ 50 milligrams. He barely slept.
药剂师，我要求立即得到释放！ Apothecary, I demand to be released immediately.
冷静！ Calm down.
我没病我也不是疯子！ 我从很远很远的地方来！ I am neither sick nor loony. I come from far, far away.
是啊！ Yes.
他认为没人明白他是谁！ He thinks no one understands who he is.
迫害狂躁症。 Persecution mania.
但那是真的！他从婆罗州来！ 在一次公路赛上他出了事！ But it's true. He came from Borneo. He had an accident during a rally.
对不对，休伯特表兄？ Right, cousin Hubert?
休伯特表兄？ Cousin Hubert?
对呀！蒙特米瑞尔的休伯特！ Yes. Hubert de Montmirail.
真是奇妙... 他有一双我父亲的手！ It's freaky... he has my father's hands.
你知道你自己的名字！ You know your name.
他什么也不知道！ 他是彻底的遗忘症！ He knows nothing. He's completely amnesiac.
他说他从没看过电视！ He says he's never watched TV.
遗忘症？太惨了！ Amnesiac? How tragic!
他最后的记忆 His last remaining memories are
是一些历史课上学到的事实！ a few facts from History class.
基本常识。 Elementary stuff.
对遗忘症患者来说经常是这样。 It's often the case with amnesiacs.
他说一种拉丁和古法语的混合语！ He speaks a hodgepodge of Latin and Old French.
用语混乱。 Verbal diarrhea.
由他去吧！ Let him go.
抚摸他没有用！ 你冷静一下！ - Pawing at him won't help! - Compose yourself.
你能放了他吗？ Will you free him?
当然，因为您丈夫是一个医生... Yes, only because your husband is a doctor,
并且他同意 and he agrees to take
负全责。 full responsibility.
你的另一个亲戚？ Another relative of yours?
不，根本不是！ No, not at all.
休伯特的一个老朋友！ An old friend of Hubert's.
我属于伯爵所有！ I belong to the Count.
索尔普莱蒂，大人？ Souplette, Sire?
他是外国人吗？我不明白他的意思！ Is he a foreigner? I don't understand him.
是啊，一定是那样！来，表兄！ Yes, that must be it. Come, cousin...
等等！如果你带走他，把他的装备也带走！ Wait! lf you take him, take his outfit too.
闻起来像只老山羊！真让人厌恶！ It smells like a billy goat here. It's repulsive.
这儿，带上安定药片！ Here, take the valium.
如果他服用安定药，给他五倍的量！ If he gets violent, give him five of them.
谢谢您！ Thank you.
两个精神失常者走上大街了！ Two more lunatics roaming the streets.
坐在这！ Sit down here.
照顾好他！我要开车了！ Take care of him. I'll get the car.
弗莱尼冈蒂小姐真奇怪！ Lady Frenegonde is strange.
她不是弗莱尼冈蒂小姐！她是我的后代！ She is not Lady Frenegonde. She's my descendant.
我的重重重重重孙女！ My great great great great great great granddaughter.
你的重重重重重孙女？ Your great great great great granddaughter?
好吓人！ How terrible!
蠢货，我们已经有1000岁了！ 真是活见鬼！ My Crass, we're a 1 000 years old. It's a living hell.
我们必须找到地牢！ We must search the dungeon.
冈尼兰发过誓要把巫师和他的书锁起来！ Angueran swore to lock up the wizard and his Book.
靠这本书，我们就能调制魔药并且及时赶回去！ With the book, We can concoct the potion and go back in time.
还喝那东西？呸！ Drink that again? Pugh!
您愿意留在这儿吗？ You'd rather stay here?
欧，不！ Oh no!
是不是太快了，休伯特？ Is this too fast, Hubert?
你觉得不舒服吗？ Do you feel sick?
张开眼睛，高德福洛埃大人！ 你会习惯的！ Open your eyes, Sire Godefroy. You'll get used to it.
为什么是高德福洛埃而不是休伯特？ Why "Godefroy" and not "Hubert"?
让-皮埃尔，他有遗忘症！ Jean-Pierre, he has amnesia.
高德福洛埃，亨利，苏西！ Godefroy, Henri, Suzy...
等一下：谁有遗忘症？ 你表兄还是那个臭烘烘的家伙？ Wait. Who has amnesia? Your cousin or that other skunk?
他们都是，让-皮埃尔！ They both do, Jean-Pierre.
试着多宽容一些！ Try being more tolerant.
他们的脚好臭！真恶心！ Their feet reek! It's revolting!
一路上真让人受不了！ What an insufferable ride!
拜托！我没闻到什么不正常的气味！ Please... I didn't smell anything unusual.
孩子乖吗？ Did the kids behave?
很乖！ 好的，再见！ - Yes. - Okay, toodle-oo!
咄！自然界怎么了？ Zounds! What happened to nature?
所有的东西都丑陋不堪。 没有地方... Everything is ugly. There's no room...
去打猎。 to go hunting.
空气沉重！ 并且发出臭味！ The air is heavy. It stinketh!
我来解释！ I'll say!
在新的高速路上 情况会更糟！ And it'll be worse with the new highway.
再见，杰拉尔德医生！ Good-bye, Dr. Goulard.
给你！ Here you go.
真难闻！呦！ It smells gross. Yeeuck!
好像旧袜子！ Like old socks.
可能是！ Could be.
明天见，希尔达！ See you tomorrow, Hilda.
我的城堡在哪里？ Where is my castle?
我们几个世纪前就失去了城堡！ We left the castle ages ago.
很不幸！ Unfortunately.
你能想象催命一样的账单吗？ Can you imagine the heating bills?
不管怎样，休伯特， 就当在自己家一样！ Anyway, Hubert, make yourself at home here.
我必须去城堡！ I must go to the castle.
对！对！ Yes! Yes!
那将是明天的旅程！ That'll be tomorrow's outing!
别算上我。 我已经有预约了。 Count me out. I'm over-booked already.
用晚餐啦！ Dinnertime!
啊！汤！ 最好有热汤！ Yes! souplette! Good hot souplette!
好的，扎奎斯先生！ 我会给你盛一些！ Yes, Mr... Jacques Kass. I'll make you some.
他喜欢喝汤！ He loves soup.
你住在一个可怜的公寓里！ You live in a pitiful dwelling.
这是给农民住的。 'Tis for peasants.
的确，我们的房子简陋 True, our home is simple.
但很舒适... 并且在里面有过一些不同寻常的夜晚！ But it's cozy and has lent itself to some marvelous evenings.
别提了！ Don't push it.
我们没计划在家留宿访客！ We weren't counting on having houseguests.
所以对我们来说不容易，休伯特！ So go easy on us, Hubert.
你是休伯特表兄？ You're Cousin Hubert?
欧，高贵的休伯特表兄！ O! noble Cousin Hubert!
现在他开始叫我休伯特了！ Now he's calling me Hubert!
他们都疯了！ They're both crazy!
听着，乡巴佬！ Listen, peon.
我才是休伯特表兄！ I'm Cousin Hubert.
你，大人？ You, Sire?
我不想回到一群疯子里去！ I don't want to go back to the loonies.
叫我“休伯特表兄”... Call me "Cousin Hubert"...
不要叫我“大人”！ 明白吗？ and never "Sire". Understand?
是的大人！ Yes, Sire.
不要这样，否则我给你吃小红球！ Stop that, or I'll give you the little red balls.
羊腿，我的大人！ Leg of lamb, my Sire!
为什么又是“我的大人”了？ Why "my Sire" now?
我不知道，让-皮埃尔！ 我真的不知道！ I don't know, Jean-Pierre. I just don't know.
凯斯先生，那是为明天准备的！ Mr... Kass, that's for tomorrow.
今晚吃冷的烤牛肉和沙拉... Tonight is cold roast beef and a salad...
以及一杯为你准备的汤！ and a Cup-a-soup for you.
如果你还觉得饿， 你可以吃一些剩饭！ If you're still hungry, you can have some left-overs.
然后就洗洗睡觉！ Then a shower and off to bed.
也许他们能先洗个澡！ 经过这样奔忙的一天， Maybe they can start with the shower. After such a trying day...
他们会愿意洗漱一下的！ they'll want to wash up.
没有仆人？ No servants?
来洗洗你的手！ Come wash your hands.
碧，来看一下。 Bea, come look.
是什么？ What is it?
来看看！ Come look!
什么？ What?
休伯特表兄， 你在干什么？ Cousin Hubert, What are you doing?
遗忘症会这样严重吗？ Can amnesia be this serious?
他们是粗人！ They're boors!
在洗漱间游泳！ Swimming in the toilet!
水！ Water.
香皂！ Soap.
热！ Hot.
冷！明白吗？ Cold. Okay?
谢谢你，温柔的女士！ Thank you, gentle lady.
温柔的女士！ Gentle lady...
高德福洛埃大人！ Sire Godefroy.
休伯特表兄！ Cousin Hubert!
弗莱尼冈蒂小姐也有1000岁了吗？ Lady Frenegonde is 1000 years old too?
她不是弗莱尼冈蒂小姐！ She's not Lady Frenegonde.
她是碧翠斯女士！ She's Lady Beatrice.
还要我告诉你多少次？ How often must I tell you?
碧翠斯女士！ Lady Beatrice.
是后代！ The descendant.
让-皮埃尔，布置一下餐桌！ Jean-Pierre, set the table.
用好盘子 The nice plates
还是用一般的？ or the normal ones?
让-皮埃尔， 像对待圣母一样。 Jean-Pierre, use mother's service.
荒唐！ Ridiculous.
来，你们两个，帮我一下！ Here. Help me, you two.
你这个愚蠢的白痴！ You stupid idiots!
碧，他们太迟钝了！ 甚至不能布置餐桌！ Bea, they're retarded! They can't even set a table!
喂！ Hello!
不用尖叫！ 我是扎奎尔特！我还没死！ Don't scream. It's Jacquart. I'm not deaf.
对不起，扎奎斯-亨利！ 碧有一些家人过来了！ I'm sorry, Jacques-Henri. Bea has some family over.
那可不轻松！ It's not easy.
对不起打扰了！ 我正在和伯尔尼主席... Sorry to bother you. I'm here with President Bernay
银行两兄弟中年轻的那个 the younger of the two banking brothers.
一个有魅力的男人！ A charming man.
很不幸，他得了溃烂脓肿！ Unfortunately, he has a festering abscess.
因为你宾馆的潮湿... Due to the humidity in your hotel,
或者由于你的“皇家覆盆子” 饮料！ or your "Royal Raspberry" sherbet.
他的脸都肿起来了。 His face is all bloated.
我将在明晨8点去看望你的朋友伯尔奈！ I'll see your friend Bernie tomorrow at 8:00.
是波尔尼，不是伯尔奈！ Bernay, not Bernie: It's Bernay, not Bernie.
可爱的夫人.. Lady-love...
你的皮肤像玫瑰花瓣一样柔软！ your skin is as soft as a rose petal.
休伯特！ Hubert!
触摸到你是多么激动... How exciting to touch you...
待在你的身旁。 to lay beside you.
他想和谁干？ Who does he want to lay?
让-皮埃尔，你来得正好！来清理干净！ Jean-Pierre, you're totally on time. Let's clean up.
你在干什么？ What were you up to?
你在吻你的表兄！ You're kissing cousins!
根本没有！ 对不起！ - Not at all! - Sorry!
喂？ Hello?
他要负责。 He'll take him.
他坏透了！ He's too bad off.
喂？ Hello?
什么狗屎玩意？ What the shit?
狗屎！ Shit.
喂，让-皮埃尔？是让-皮埃尔吗？ Hello, Jean-Pierre? Is that Jean-Pierre?
到底是什么？ What the hell?
你是甜心！ You were sweethearts.
根本不是！他那么老！ Not at all. He was much older!
你不会承认你刚才在调情！ You won't admit you were flirting.
让-皮埃尔，控制一下你自己！ 你说的话真让人受不了！ Jean-Pierre, control yourself! What you're saying is totally offensive.
这是我的城堡吗？ Is this my castle?
是！ Yes it is.
我的瞭望塔在哪儿？我的护城河呢？ Where's my watch-tower? My moat?
我的吊桥呢？ My draw-bridge?
我的地牢还完整吗？ Is my dungeon intact?
他都认不出你的城堡！ He doesn't even recognize your castle.
休伯，那是革命后重建的！ Hub, it was rebuilt after the Revolution.
什么？ The what?
万能的基督！ Christ Almighty.
我必须进入我的地牢！ I must go in my dungeon.
放松！你已经歇斯底里了，休伯！ Relax. You're hysterical, Hub.
我们明天去！但是地牢只是一个传说！ We'll go tomorrow. But the dungeon is a legend.
父亲总是以为真有一个... Father aIways thought one existed...
但我们从来没发现！ but we never found it.
好像有人在学狗叫！ It's like someone imitating a dog.
听！真奇怪！ Listen. It's strange.
我什么也没听见！ I don't hear a thing.
伯尔尼主席！ President Bernay.
现在他可太过分了！ Now he's gone too far!
他最好还没醒来用餐！ He better not have woken Florian and Ondine.
不！碧！他烧了你的雨伞--啊！ No! Bea! He burnt your umbrell-Ahhhhh!
雨伞！ Umbrella.
在耳洞里！ In the hole.
耳朵刺痛！ These eardrops sting.
好狗不抱怨！ The dog never complained.
如果伯尔尼主席损失了... If President Bernay has lost...
哪怕他听力的百分之一 just one percent of his hearing,
我都要控告你。 We'll sue the pants off you.
我已经聋了！ I've gone deaf.
我有点迷惑。 你是一个赛车手？ I'm a little confused... You're a race car driver?
一个拳击手？还是一个替身演员？ A boxer? A stuntman?
一个电影演员？ A movie actor?
这部电影的明星是谁？ Who's the star of the movie?
我认识他吗？导演是谁？ Do I know him? And the director?
别再盘问了！你在困扰他们！ Stop the interrogation. You're exhausting them.
我们不能聊聊吗？ Can't we talk?
我打扰你了吗？ Am I boring you?
是的，的确如此！ Ay, indeed.
魔法！ Charming.
你看！ You see.
到底要忍受多久？ Will this last long?
白天！ Day...
夜晚！ Night...
白天！夜晚！ Day...Night...
拜托，凯斯先生，这太烦人了！ Please, Mr. Kass, that's becoming rather grating.
他不能和我们一起吗？太尴尬了！ Can't he join us? It's embarrassing.
他从不在贵族中间吃饭！ He ne'er eats amid nobility.
他很乐于大嚼我们的剩饭！ He is happy to munch our left-o'ers.
来这，孩子！ Here, boy.
谢谢您，休伯特大人！ Thank you, Sire Hubert!
他正把土豆捣进地毯！ He's mashing potatoes into the rug!
够了！来做在这儿！ Enough! Come sit here.
那会影响他的胃口，对吗，扎奎斯？ That would upset him, right Jacquasse?
你想坐在这吗 ？ You want to sit here?
不，休伯特大人！ No, Sire Hubert.
在我的房子里，我们都是一起吃饭！ In my house, we all eat together.
不！不！ Nay! Nay!
服从，乡巴佬！ Obey, peasant.
你的主人坚持这样！ Your host insists.
那会更舒服些！ It'll be cozier.
那儿！ There.
我可爱的小宝贝... My sweet and pretty youngling...
怎么，亲爱的表兄？ Yes, dear cousin?
既然你住在这个破房子里... If you live in this poor abode,
那么谁拥有我们的城堡？ Who owns our castle?
扎奎斯-亨利 扎奎尔特！ Jacques-Henri Jacquart. He's...
他相当富有并且有点做作！ rather nouveau riche and a bit affected.
他家耕种我们的土地！ 一个农民拥有我们的城堡？ - His family farmed our land. - A peasant owns our castle?
一个农民！ 什么农民？ - A peasant! - What peasant?
拜托！让-皮埃尔也是个农民... Please! Jean-Pierre is a peasant too.
并且他是个好丈夫。 And he's a good husband.
他是个农民？呸！ He's a peasant? Pugh!
我没食欲了！ I lost my appetite.
太过分了！ This is too much!
我觉得快吐了！ I feel like throwing up.
你听到了吗？ Did you hear that?
听到什么？ Hear what?
现在他在向我吐口水！你没注意到吗？ Now he's spitting on me. Or didn't you notice?
原谅那个笨蛋吧！ Excuse the oaf.
听到一个农民拥有我们的城堡他感到悲哀忧愁！ He is saddened to hear that a peasant owns my castle.
为什么？ But why?
我可爱的，美艳的小宝贝... My sweet, radiant youngling...
我将纠正这个可怕的错误！ I shall right this horrible wrong.
扎奎尔特交出城堡将会得到奖赏！ Jacquart shall render the castle in exchange for crowns.
如果他拒绝，我会扯出他的肠子！ If he refuses, I'll disembowel him.
我们要扯掉他的阴茎就像我们对约克公爵那样！ We'll rip off his stalk like we did the Duke of York
我们在他的尖叫和哭嚎中把他劈成两半！ We hacked him up amid his shrieks and howIs.
我们把他吊起来 We hung him up...
就用他血淋淋的肠子 alongside his bloody boweIs.
把母鸡拿进来！我饿极了！ Bring in the hens. I'm starved.
把谁吊起来？ Hang who?
那个农民扎奎尔特！ Jacquart the Peasant.
把烤羊腿拿进来... Bring the roasted lamb...
腊肠还有豆子... the sausage and the beans...
鹿肉。 the venison...
让我们举行盛宴来忘记这不公正的事！ Let us feast to forget this injustice!
把腰果和腰子拿进来！ Bring in kidney beans and kidneys.
一个乳猪还有一只烤羊。 A piglet and a roasted goat.
撒了很多胡椒的白天鹅！ Well-peppered white swans.
你的刺激让我食欲大开！ Your whets have given me appetite.
你刚刚就在狼吞虎咽！ You just stuffed your faces!
这些水是怎么回事？ What's this puddle?
房间都被水淹了！ The room is totally flooded!
出什么事了？ What happened?
他们没关水！ 真是神经病！ They didn't turn off the water! They're deranged!
他们水龙头都不会关！ They can't shut off the tap!
把他们送到傻瓜收容处！ Send them to the nut house!
扎奎斯，去擦一下！ Jacquasse, spongeth!
是，大人！ Yes, Sire!
谁？ Who is that?
凯斯先生！别用您的斗篷！ 我去找些旧衣服！ Mr. Kass! Not with your poncho! I'll get some rags.
到底什么事？ What is it now?
对不起，唐突了。 但伯尔尼主席受不了啦！ sorry to pop in, but President Bernay can't cope.
天知道怎么回事 God knows how,
当埃德格拿起电话... 一个雾笛的声音在他耳边响起！ When Edgar took the phone, a foghorn sounded in his ear.
我不是耳鼻喉科大夫！ I'm not an ENT.
但是那引起了他的牙痛！ But it aggravated his toothache.
在颤动！ It's trrowwwing.
在颤动！ It's throbbing.
张开嘴！ Open your mouth.
真讨厌！ 等在这儿！ How repulsive! Wait here.
我要去给伯尔奈补牙！ I'm going to fix Bernaise's tooth.
是伯尔尼，埃德格 伯尔尼。 It's Bernay. Edgar Bernay.
他的脓肿可真难看！ His abscess is incredibly ugly.
我们会去我的 办公室！ We'll be in my office.
来！每个人都参加！ Come on, come on! Everyone join in.
覆盆子饮料能引起这种感染吗？ Can raspberry sherbet cause this type of infection?
不知道。 No idea.
真不巧，扎奎尔特。我们正在发洪水！ Bad timing, Jacquart. We're in the middle of a flood.
有后备下水管吗？ 太难闻了！ Did the sewer back up? It smells god-awful.
千万小心别碰翻篮子！ Be totally careful not to knock the bucket over.
倒空篮子好好洗一下！ Empty the bucket and sponge hardily.
唉！拿着这块抹布！ Ay! Take this rag.
他把肮脏的拖布扔到我的亚麻布夹克衫上！ He threw a filthy mop on my linen jacket!
凯斯先生，小心扎奎尔特先生的亚麻布夹克衫！ Mr. Kass, be careful with Mr. Jacquart's linen jacket.
扎奎尔特先生，来认识一下我的表兄休伯特，人们一直以为他已经死了！ Mr. Jacquart, meet my cousin Hubert, long-considered dead.
很荣幸！ My pleasure.
我的夹克衫现在弄脏了。 My jacket is stained now.
是一件哈特伍德新款！ A Hartwood original.
你很像你的祖先，除了比他瘦一些... You're a less-bloated look-alike of your ancestor,
铁汉高德福洛埃！ 在城堡里我有他的画像！ Godefroy the Hardy. I have his portrait in the castle.
哼，那是我本人！ Ay, 'tis I.
我长粉刺了吗？ Do I have a pimple?
那鼻子...那两只奸诈的眼睛！ That nose... those slimy eyes.
你是那个蠢货的后代！ You're The Crass's descendant.
蠢货？对不起！ The Crass? Please...
真是耻辱！ What a disgrace!
来，小子！开始擦地 ！ Here, boy. start a-mopping.
凯斯先生 Mr. Kass...
放过扎奎尔特先生吧！ 又不是他发的水！ Leave Mr. Jacquart be. It's not his flood.
先生贵姓？ 扎奎斯！ - Mr. Who? - Jacquasse.
多丑恶的脸！ What an ugly face!
你的扎奎尔特是个叛徒！ 他的真名叫扎奎斯！ Your Jacquart is a traitor. His real name is Jacquasse.
我认识他的时候他就叫扎奎尔特！ I always knew Jacquart as Jacquart.
除非他为了高雅一些而改了名字！ Unless he changed his name to be more chic.
扎奎斯-亨利，你起“扎奎尔特”这个名字有多长时间了？ Jacques-Henri, how long have you had the name "Jacquart"?
为什么问这个？ Why?
因为你和凯斯先生简直一模一样... Because you're the spitting image of Mr. Kass...
并且你们的名字也相似。 and your names are similar.
我和这位绅士没有相似的地方！ I have nothing in common with this gentleman.
看看他！ Just look at him.
根本没有任何血缘关系！ No relationship at all.
这个邪恶不是我留下的种 I can't find my pouch in this unholy mess.
杰拉尔德大夫是个天才！ 脓肿已经...欧，我的天 Dr. Goulard is a genius. The abscess is... Oh my! ...
已经干了！ 主席又恢复原貌了！ Drained. The President is back in form.
扎奎尔特先生 Mr. Jacquart, is this...
这是你的兄弟吗？ 他不是我兄弟！ - Your brother? - He's not my brother!
我是蠢货扎奎斯！ I'm Jacquasse The Crass.
对不起，太晚了！ Sorry, but it's getting late.
我明白！咱们走！ I understand. Let's go.
谢谢您！ Thank you.
等一下，小丑。 One minute, jester.
让我们做一笔交易！ 我要买回城堡！ Let's make a deal. I'll buy back the castle.
拿着这个，农民。 Take this, peasant.
一次付清。 A down payment.
扎奎尔特，小心点！ 我们在车上等！ Jacquart, take care of this. We'll be in the car.
我马上就来！ I'm coming.
我的城堡不出售！ My castle is not for sale,
我拥有它，伯爵。 I own it, Count.
旧金币 ？ Old gold coins?
我有满满五大箱子， 还有十块宝石！ I have 5 chests full, and 10 of jewels.
这个暴发户农民无法阻止我买回城堡！ This upstart peasant can't stop me from buying it.
他是不是疯了！ 这可是他妈的民主社会！ He's got nerve! This is a fucking democracy.
什么是“他妈的”？ What's "fucking"?
扎奎尔特，你太无礼了！ 那是句粗话！ Jacquart, you've gone overboard. That was vulgar.
真不要脸！我一直当 您是个高雅的绅士... What nerve! I take care of your Mr. Barbie for a modest fee,
可你却侮辱我们的房客 道歉！ and you humiliate our houseguest. Apologize!
这个保健专家以为他是谁？ Who does the hygienist think she is?
不知羞耻的无赖！如果你以你的家族为荣... Shameless liar! If you're proud of your family,
为什么要改名字？ Why change your name?
到底有什么隐私？ What is the heinous secret?
妖怪？女巫？ 儿童杀手？ An ogre? A witch? A child-slayer?
放手，纳粹！ Hands off, Nazi!
如果他不明白... 为什么扎奎尔特听起来比扎奎斯好... If he can't understand why Jacquart sounds better than Jacquasse,
他应该去看精神病医生！ he should see a shrink.
我没意识到！ 你是扎奎尔特的兄弟？ I don't get it. You're Jacquart's brother?
他的兄弟？ His brother?
你急于 Were you serious
买回城堡吗？ about buying back the castle?
作为礼物给你，我的宝贝！ A gift for you, my youngling.
我累了！ I'm tired.
对了！该睡觉了！ That's right. Bedtime!
来点香草茶怎么样，休伯？ How about some herbal tea, Hub?
遗忘症！ Amnesia...
休伯特表兄！ Cousin Hubert.
城堡的新主人是扎奎斯？ The new Sire of the castle is a Jacquasse?
我的上帝，那怎么可能？ 农夫成了主人！ My God, how can that be? Peasants have become sires.
让我们祷告吧！ Let us pray.
扎奎斯！ Jacquasse!
碧翠斯！ Beatrice!
他们在祷告！ They're praying now!
碧翠斯！ Beatrice!
别喊。 由他们去吧。 Don't scream. Let them pray.
妈妈！ Mommy...
家里有流浪汉！ There are bums in the living room.
现在他们把孩子吵醒了！ Now they've woken the kids.
我的血脉！ The lineage!
你的兄弟是蒙特米瑞尔伯爵的男仆？ Your brother is the Count of Montmirail's valet?
我没有兄弟！ I have no brother!
哥哥还是弟弟？ Older or younger?
我们不是兄弟！ We're not brothers!
我是独生子！ I'm an only son.
我们的姓氏也不同！ We don't have the same name!
他散发着臭味！ He smells awful.
不过，改变你的名字的确很聪明！ Still, it was smart to change your name.
我曾经有个朋友名叫弗朗科伊斯 阴道！ I once had a friend named Francois Twat.
他把阴道改称瓦特！这改变了他的一生！ He changed it to watt. It changed his life.
扎奎斯太过了！ Jacquasse is just too much!
我说也是！ I'll say.
对不起，我的名字不叫扎奎斯笨蛋，叫扎奎尔特！ Sorry, my name is not Jacques Asse, but Jacquart.
他们好丑！ 他们好臭！粗野！ They're ugly. They stink. Gross!
休伯特表兄不是贼！ Cousin Hubert is not a burglar.
他的朋友也不是臭烘烘的女巫！ His friend is not a smelly witch.
休伯特表兄和凯斯先生，让孩子们看看你们！ Cousin Hubert and Mr. Kass, let the children see you.
晚上好，乖孩子们！ Nighty night, kidlings.
别站在那儿！ 你会把他们吓死的！ Don't stand there! You'll scare them to death!
你吓着他们了，让-皮埃尔。 You scared them, Jean-Pierre.
来！ Come on.
打点肥皂！ 特别是你的脚！ Lather up well. Especially your feet.
香皂和浴盐！ 请自己弄！ Soap and bath salt. Help yourself... please.
我得离开你们！ I'll leave you.
我们的脚怎么了？ 我不知道！ - What's wrong with our feet? - I don't know.
另一个农民的诡计，毫无疑问！ Another peasant ruse, no doubt.
是热水！ It boil'st.
油膏 The ointments.
扎奎斯，替我擦洗！ Jacquasse, scrub me.
奇怪的刷子！ Strange brush.
刷起来会很好！ It'll do fine.
怎么样了？ How is it going?
我已经完成了我的洁净礼！ I have finished my ablutions.
该你了！ Your turn.
不了，大人，我上个月洗过了！ Nay, Sire. I bathed last month
在河里 in the river.
我说轮到你了！ I said it's your turn.
太烫了！ It boil'st!
他们现在怎么样了？ What are they up to?
吵什么？ Why the uproar?
扎奎斯正在刷洗！ My Jacquasse is a-scrubbing.
我得在烟囱拐角晾干！ I'll dry off in the chimney corner.
满满的瓶子！ 6000法郎倒干了！ The entire bottle! 6000 francs down the drain!
别拔塞子！ Don't pull the plug!
我会思念您，我心爱的女人 I shall miss thee, lady-love
当我在战斗时 Whilst I fight in the Crusades
留下你，斑鸠 Leaving you behind, turtle-dove
我的心暗淡了 在我战斗之前 Darkens my heart, 'fore I fight
我没法再忍受了！ I can't stand it any more.
吃点安定药！ Take a valium.
大人... Sire,
扎奎尔特是... 我的重重重孙子？ Jacquart... Is he my great great grandson?
对，扎奎斯！ Yes, my Jacquasse.
可怜的家伙！睡吧！ Poor you. Let's sleep.
乱成一锅粥！ It's mushy like porridge.
又怎么了？ What now?
碧翠丝，给我讲一讲从胖子路易以后王朝的事！ Beatrice, tell me about the kingdom since Louis the Fat.
现在？你在开玩笑吗？ Now? Are you kidding?
让-皮埃尔！ Jean-Pierre!
这是一本邪恶的书。 我不喜欢它。 This is an evil book. I like it not.
这是大百科全书。 这里面什么都有。 It's the encyclopedia. It has everything.
关于蒙特米瑞尔的高德福洛埃一点没有提到... 他拯救了我们的国王？ Nothing on Godefroy de Montmirail, When he saved our King,
在蒙斯勒瑞的战斗中 during the Battle of Monthlery?
一句话都没有提！ Not a word.
真的？ Really?
但是他的勇气和威名从珀依托到赛沃伊广为传颂。 But his courage is renown from Poitou to savoie.
铁汉高德福洛埃，胖子路易...没人注意。 Godefroy the Hardy, Louis the Fat... no one cares.
我们最著名的家族成员是蒙特米瑞尔的冈萨克。 Our most famous family member is Gonzague de Montmirail.
出生于1754年！记得吗？ Born in 1754. Remember?
不！ No.
他发动革命与富人战斗... He fought the Revolution against the rich,
让他们不得不把土地分给农民。 so they'd share their land With the peasants.
什么？ What?
他和拉法耶迪为建立共和国立下功劳！ He helped create the Republic with La Fayette.
但他没有从他的勇气中得到任何回报！ But he wasn't rewarded for his courage.
罗伯斯皮尔砍了他的头！ Robespierre had him decapitated.
是个好人，罗伯斯皮尔！ A fine man, this Robespierre.
为什么这样说？ Why do you say that?
为什么凯斯先生偷听我们？ Why is Mr. Kass spying on us?
多邪恶啊，扎奎斯。 What infamy, my Jacquasse.
农民不再缴租！ 不用说，也没人缴什么税！ Peasants no longer pay taxes. No more tallage, nor tithers.
多么不公平。 我们必须返回家园。 How unfair. We must return home.
你手上带着什么？ What's that on your finger?
是我的封印！ It's my seal.
你的封印？ Your seal?
是铁汉指环！ 你从城堡里偷出来的？ It's The Hardy Ring! You stole it from the castle?
叫警察，不然扎奎尔特会以为我们是同谋！ Call the police. Or Jacquart may think we're accomplices.
饶了我吧！我会归还指环的！ spare me. I'll return the ring.
扎奎尔特会明白休伯特是精神病人！ Jacquart will understand that Hubert is mentally ill.
精神病人！ 就锁上他！ Mentally ill. Lock him up,
如果他是精神病 if he's mentally ill!
凯斯先生在哪里？ Where is Mr. Kass?
在那儿！ Out there.
好成熟的苹果，美丽的基尼蒂！ What ripe apples, fair Ginette!
少来了，别花言巧语，小伙子！ Come on, no feelies, stud.
看你！我的歌迷开始没有耐心了！ See 'ya. My groupies are getting impatient.
我来了，粉丝们！ Here I come, fans.
过来，凯斯先生！ Come on, Mr. Kass.
女士们先生们...作为职业表演者！ Ladies and Gents... for the artiste.
女士们先生们！ Ladies and Gents...
真让人受不了！ This is incredible!
一会儿之前天还很好！ 现在就下起瓢泼大雨了！ A minute ago it was gorgeous. Now it's raining cats and dogs.
我很生气你竟然把我当强盗！ I am angered that you think me a bandit.
我从没说过“强盗”！ 别夸大其词！ I never said "bandit". Don't exaggerate.
这个指环是我的！一个弗兰德斯的银匠为我做的！ This ring is mine. A siIversmith made it for me in Flanders.
花了我100个硬币！ It cost me 100 ducats.
那不可能，休伯！ 爸爸把指环和城堡一起卖了！ That's impossible, Hub. Father sold that ring with the castle.
它不可能同时在这里又在那里！ It can't be here and there!
伯尔尼主席无法在这么吵闹下讲话！ President Bernay cannot give his speech in that ruckus.
一个玻璃容器中的旧指环在嘶嘶作响！ There's an old ring sizzling in a glass case.
一个容器中的旧指环嘶嘶作响？ 然后呢？ An old ring sizzling in a case? What next?
看！我们怎么能在展望过程中集中精神呢？ Look! How can we concentrate on the prospecting?
是铁汉指环！ It's the Hardy Ring!
别只站在那儿！ 去拿灭火器！ Don't just stand there! Get a fire extinguisher!
让开！ Make way!
打开容器！ Open the case!
着起来了！ It's burning!
打碎了！ It's broken.
笨蛋！ What an ass!
笨蛋！我看不见了！ What an ass! I'm blind!
拿着这个！ Hold this.
真蠢！ This is crazy!
外面一片漆黑！ 这不是真的！ It's pitch black outside! This is unreal!
下冰雹了！ It's hailing now.
高兴点，休伯！ 我们要去归还铁汉指环！ Cheer up, Hub. We'll return the Hardy Ring.
一切都会抛在脑后的！ All will be forgotten.
他就是铁汉！ He's The Hardy!
凯斯先生，坐回去！ 你早上吃陈的羊奶酪了吗？ Mr. Kass, sit back. Did you eat old goat cheese for breakfast?
恕我直言， 我不能打开窗子！ sorry to be blunt, but I can't open the window.
请待在后面！ stay back there, please.
我们越近， 天就越黑！ The closer we get, the darker it gets.
它能用！不费吹灰之力 It works. Easy as pie.
他真是个愚蠢的傻瓜！ He's a stupid ass.
继续！ Go ahead.
这个灭火器都扑不灭一根火柴！ This extinguisher Wouldn't put out a match.
快离开这儿，亲爱的！ Get out of here, honey!
要爆炸了！ It's going to explode!
怎么办？ What now?
你裤子里有蚂蚁吗？ You have ants in your pants?
这个指环成了一团火！ 一定见鬼了！ The ring is a-fire! It's devil work!
掉到座位下了！ It fell under the seat.
停下战车，姑娘！ Stop the chariot, girl!
快帮忙！叫消防队！ Help! Call the Fire Department.
真是好时机，扎奎尔特！ 休伯特有铁汉指环， 上帝知道怎么回事！ Perfect timing, Jacquart. Hubert has the Hardy ring, God knows how.
他把它带回来了！ He brought it back.
铁汉指环在这儿！ 它着火了！ The Hardy ring is here! It's on fire!
我的封印也是一团火！ My seal's a-fire!
它怎么可能在那儿？ 它明明在这儿！ How can it be up there? It's down here.
别烦我！ Leave me alone!
它嘶嘶作响并且变得滚烫！ 在嘶嘶作响！ - 'Tis sizzling and boiling. - 'Tis hissing!
你在干什么？ What are you doing?
你看见闪光了吗？ Did you see lightning?
等等！我的车顶像个菜花！ Wait a sec. My roof looks like a cauliflower.
闪光！ The lightning!
我的陆虎车！上帝呀！ My Range! Godammit!
怎么了？ What happened?
难以置信！ 天又晴了！ 无法相信！ It's incredible. It's nice out again. Just unbelievable.
扎奎斯，看看他们把我们的美丽城堡变成什么了！ Jacquasse, look how they changed our beautiful castle!
窗户太多了！我们无法防御！ Windows galore! We're defenseless!
西哥特人该喜出望外了！ A godsend for the Visigoths.
还有胡特人！ And the Huttes.
但愿地牢还完好！ Pray the dungeon is intact.
天气真奇怪！ This weather is amazing.
没时间理你！ I don't give a damn.
我的陆虎！全毁了！ 一辆全新的车 配置齐全！ My Range! Dammit! A brand new car with all the extras!
看！毁了！ 彻底毁了！ Look! It's ruined! It's completely ruined!
扎奎尔特！ Jacquart!
没有避雷针？ There's no lightning rod?
真是骇人听闻！ That's unheard of!
爆炸差点伤了主席！ The explosion almost maimed the President.
没人受伤吧？ No one was hurt?
没有，感谢上帝！只是车有损害！ No, thank God. Just a car.
感谢上帝？ 真该感谢！ Thank God? Thanks a lot!
我的豪华房车呢？ My limo?
不是你的豪华房车！ 是我的新陆虎！ No, not your limo. My new Range.
别撒谎！我在这儿看得见！ 车棚烧了！ Don't lie. I can see from here. The hood is burnt.
它没烧 ！根本没有！ It's not burnt. Not at all!
不是车顶！ 折叠车棚！你这个白痴！ Not the roof! The hood, you idiot!
我警告你... I'm warning you:
如果它烧坏了， 我们法庭见！ if it's burnt, We'll see you in court!
不，它没事！ 它没事！看！ No, it's okay. It's okay! Look!
还好 Okkk ayyy!
我在擦它！ 我在擦亮它！看！ I'm rubbing it. I'm polishing it! Look!
它这么干净我都能看见我自己！ It's so clean I can see myself!
看！ Look!
挺好！ It's okkk ayyy.
什么这么可笑？ What's so funny?
来，扎奎斯！ 到我的房间去！ Come, Jacquasse. Let us go to my chamber.
那个嘶嘶作响的指环！ ...that hissing ring!
给我索赔结果！ Give me Claims Division.
哪种指环？ What kind of ring?
一个图章指环！ A signet ring.
你指铁汉指环，它在原来的容器里吗？ You mean the Hardy ring Was in its case?
我不知道！ I don't know.
不可能！ Impossible.
到底去哪儿... Where the hell...
杰奎琳，你 带这些人去哪儿？ Jacqueline, where are you taking these men?
到铁汉的套房！ To the Hardy suite.
老板，我们要在这儿待几晚！ Innkeeper, We'll be here several nights.
你和你的朋友？ 只有一张床！ You and your friend? There's just one bed.
他睡在走廊的垫子上！ He'll sleep on a mat in the halIway.
这儿不行，他不能这样！ Not here, he won't.
那就在马房里！ In the stable, then.
可怜我吧，大人！别让我睡在马房！ 我想睡在森林里！ Pity, Sire! Not the stable. I prefer the forest!
没有马房！所以要么 付房钱要么到森林去！ There is no stable. so pay for the room or go to the forest.
你真理解我，我的孩子！ 你是个好人！ You understand me, my boy. You're a kind man.
别碰我！ Don't touch me.
我不是一个好人！ I'm not a kind man.
我也不是你的朋友或兄弟！ I'm not your friend or your brother.
做梦吧！ so dream on!
你就让你 的兄弟睡外面？ You'd let your brother sleep outside?
他不是我的兄弟！ He's not my brother!
我从没见过他！ I never saw him!
所以他爱睡哪儿就睡哪儿！ So he can sleep Where the hell he wants!
你太无耻了！ You're so obscene!
请原谅，女士！ Excuse me, ma'am.
我在为伯尔尼主席送茶。 I'm taking President Bernay his tea.
我在乎什么？ What the hell do I care?
他们的押金呢？ And their deposit?
不，我... No, I...
你不能留在这！ 太昂贵了！ You can't stay. It's very pricey.
蒙特米瑞尔伯爵睡在蒙特米瑞尔！ The Count of Montmirail sleep'st at Montmirail.
留着你的烂硬币吧！ Keep your rotten coins.
滚出去，混球！ Outside, scuzzballs.
别紧张，扎奎斯！ 算我账上好了！ Relax, Jacques. Put it on my visa.
如果休伯觉得这是家，可能会触动他的记忆！ If Hub feels at home here, it may jog his memory.
值得试一下！ It's worth trying.
不管你说什么！既然你想付高价，那就当宾客好了！ Whatever you say. If you want to pay top price, be my guest.
你想给我拍照吗？ You want my picture?
别站在那儿！ 领他们去房间！ Don't stand there. Show them to their room.
这边，碧翠丝！ This way, Beatrice.
火星直飞！ 老板对他的哥哥很生气！ Sparks are flying! The boss is angry at his brother.
这就是铁汉高德福洛埃的套房！ This is the Godefroy Hardy suite.
10世纪的烟囱 The 10th century chimney is...
是瞭望塔的遗迹 a vestige of the watch-tower.
咄！根本不一样 Zounds! It's different!
对不起？ Excuse me?
离我们远点，无赖 Leave us, wretch.
什么？ What?
咒语书 The Book of spells.
老天！你看起来喝醉了像个臭鼬 Holy scrotums! You look drunk as a skunk!
那是我吗？ Is that me?
那是个老傻瓜 That's an old fool!
这个怪物是谁？ Who's this monster?
蒙特米瑞尔的冈萨克 Gonzague de Montmirail.
那个帮助农民的伯爵？ The Count Who helped the peasants?
一个可恶的人 A foul creature.
否！一个圣人 Nay, a saintly man.
来 Come.
你在干什么？ what are you doing?
先生 Sir.
让-皮埃尔，别喊叫 Jean-Pierre, don't scream.
我没喊叫 I'm not screaming.
是昂贵了一些， 但这是为了休伯 It's expensive, but it's for Hub.
两个房间要2600 加上套房3600... 一天6200法朗！ Two rooms at 2600, plus the suite at 3600, comes to 6200 francs a day.
包括早餐 Breakfast included.
多少？ How much?
为什么要三个房间？ Why three rooms?
我不能把他一个人留下 I can't leave him.
荒谬 Ridiculous!
我订了三个人的房间 So I took a third room.
你要留下？ You're staying?
快点 我还有别的事要做 Hurry. I have other things to do.
碧，你不能这么做 好的，拜拜 - Bea, you can't do this. - Okay, toodle-oo.
火把都烂了 The torches are rotten.
大人，我害怕 Sire, I'm scared.
你在干什么？ What are you doing?
他们叫我无赖还把我赶出来 然后我听到一种声音 They called me a wretch and threw me out. Then I heard a noise.
立刻开门 Open this door immediately!
休伯 Hub!
休伯特表兄 Cousin Hubert!
凯斯先生 Mr. Kass!
他们点火了 到处是烟灰 They lit a fire! There's soot everywhere.
你要付清理费 You'll pay the dry cleaner!
他们不在这儿 They're not here.
杰奎琳，他们离开了吗？ Jacqueline, did they leave?
没有，先生 我发誓 No, sir. I swear.
别号哭 Don't start blubbering.
没有用 That won't help.
他朋友的房间 His friend's room.
你从哪儿来？ Where did you come from?
休伯，发身什么事了？ Hub, what happened to you?
我需要一只火把 I need a torch.
为什么你藏在烟囱里？ Why were you hiding in the chimney?
那本书-- The Book of...
我们在这只是想参观一下 We were here. Just visiting.
参观？你参观烟囱？ Visiting.... You were visiting the chimney?
我们需要一只火把，一只烟灰球堵住了烟道 所以扎奎斯 We wanted a fire. A soot ball was blocking the flue. so Jacquasse,
爬到了我的肩膀上 climbed on my shoulder.
我开始往上爬呀... I started climbing up...
结果我们滑倒了 And we slipped.
东西都掉了 Everything fell.
没必要解释，休伯 毕竟6200法郎一晚上... No need to explain, Hub. At 6200 francs a night,
我们希望能把烟囱打扫干净 We can expect the chimney to be swept.
没有什么烟灰球 There was no soot ball!
什么都没有 There's nothing!
过来 Come on.
告诉屋顶修理工， 拒绝付钱给他 Jacqueline, call the roofer. Tell him I refuse to pay the bill.
因为他留下了烟灰球 Not if he leaves soot balls!
休伯，你难道没有什么要解释的吗？ Hub, you've got some explaining to do.
我不是休伯特表兄！我是铁汉高德福洛埃 I am not Cousin Hubert. I am Godefroy The Hardy.
我生于我主1079年 I was born in the year of our Lord 1079.
我是蠢货扎奎斯！他的家臣 我不知道我的出生日期 I'm Jacquasse The Crass, his vassal. I know not my date of birth.
你是高德福洛埃 ，他是让-阿... 那我是英格兰女王，对吗？ You're Godefroy, he's Joan of Arc, and I'm the Queen of England. Okay?
哦 Okkk ayyy!
这是铁汉！ This is the Hardy.
无论多么不像，可他是个肥胖的，多毛的大汉 Despite a vague resemblance, he was a fat, hairy macho
你知道，他一定得了慢性口臭 Who must have had chronic halitosis... You know...
哦! Okkk ayyy!
你到底在干什么？ what are you doing here?
我想要一只火把！快点 I asked for a torch. Make haste!
休伯特，别再说大话了 Hubert, stop telling tall tales.
怎么，祷告生效了，是这个？ And what, pray tell, is this?
以为我骗你？ Mere trickery?
休伯 Hub!
你知道地牢在哪儿吗？ You knew where the dungeon was?
没准我们会发现蒙特米瑞尔的财宝 Maybe we'll find the Montmirail treasure.
一片漆黑 It's pitch black.
我要拿我的闪光灯来，原地别动 I'll get my flashlight. stay put.
怎么？ Yes?
火把灭了 The torches died.
我能帮您吗？ Can I help you?
这到底发生了什么？ what on earth happened here?
这是谁干的？ Who is responsible for this?
都是碎垃圾 'Tis a piece o' rubbish!
你可以再说一遍 You can say that again.
如果你兄弟看到了麻烦就大了 If your brother sees this, it won't be a picnic.
休伯特表兄需要一只火把 Cousin Hubert needs a torch.
一只闪光灯！我会给你拿一个 A flashlight. I'll get you one.
哦! Okkk ayyy!
拿个卤素闪光灯来 Halogen flashlights. A total must.
谁能 Could someone
给我一杯苏格兰威士忌？ serve me a scotch?
我需要来一杯， 随着另一个兄弟... I need a drink before the other brother
的到达研讨会就结束了 arrives to finish the seminar.
埃德格和埃德沃德在一起 Edgar and Edouard together...
可不容易 aren't easy.
我在等大人的火把 I'm waiting for Sire's torch.
大人？ Sire?
休伯特表兄 Cousin Hubert.
蒙特米瑞尔的休伯特是你表兄？ Hubert de Montmirail is your cousin?
多可笑啊！ How amazing.
扎奎尔特也是他们的表兄？ so Jacquart is their cousin too?
不，不，不 Nay nay nay!
你不是扎奎尔特的兄弟吗？ Aren't you Jacquart's brother?
不是 No.
你妈妈不是他的妈妈？ Your mother isn't his mother?
我妈妈是关德琳 My mother was Gwendolyne.
她被狼吞掉了... She was devoured by wolves,
因为我的父亲， 在他去酒馆的路上... because my father, on his way to the tavern,
由于他的畸形足而掉进了冰冷的湖里 fell in the icy lake due to his club foot.
多么可怕 How awful!
多么荒诞 How freaky!
荒诞 Freakkky!
如果我理解的没错 If I understand correctly,
你是扎奎尔特的同父异母兄弟 you're Jacquart's half-brother.
荒诞！哦！ Freakkky! Okkk ayyy!
荒诞 Freakkky!
是的，的确够荒诞 Yes, it sure is freaky.
扎奎尔特如此深藏不露。 Jacquart is so secretive.
有一个残疾父亲没什么好羞耻的 There's no shame in having a handicapped father.
哦! Okkk ayyy!
真为你的父亲难过 Sorry for your father.
谢谢您 Thank you.
为什么那个傻瓜提到我的父亲？ why did that idiot mention my father?
你在垃圾间干什么，你这肮脏的小偷？ what are you doing in the garbage, you dirty thief?
过来 Come here.
让我走，脏球！我是切尔诺贝利的受害者 Let go of me, sleazeball. I'm a Chernobyl victim.
跟警察说吧 Save it for the cops.
基尼蒂小姐 放开她，农民 Lady Ginette! Release her, peasant.
基尼蒂小姐是我的朋友 Lady Ginette is my friend.
她是你的朋友？ 当然 - She is a friend of yours? - Yes.
她心肠很好！这里欢迎她 she is good-hearted. she is welcome here.
随您的便，先生 她的头刚刚在垃圾箱里 As you like, sir. Her head was in the garbage bin.
如果你在垃圾箱里找破烂.. 你最好系一条好点的领结 If you rummaged in garbage heaps, you'd have a nicer bow-tie.
有钱人总是急于 People with money to burn
丢掉很多东西 dump lots of great stuff.
比如我发现的这双很好的长筒袜 Like I found these great stockings.
好成熟的苹果 what a ripe apple!
你就让他们进去了？ You're letting them in?
记住：她是老板的兄弟的女人 Stow it. She's the boss's brother's broad.
他们会把我们踢出来的 They'll kick us out.
别怕！城堡属于我的家族所有 Fear not. The castle belongs to my family.
不可能 No way!
我领你参观一下 I'll give you a tour.
女士们先生们 Ladies and Gents.
那是办公室 That's the office.
住嘴，无赖 这是我的小宝贝的办公室 Hold your tongue, wretch. It is my youngling's office.
他的家人 He is kindred.
这到底是怎么了？ what the hell is this?
杰奎琳， 走廊里发生了什么？ Jacqueline, what happened in the halIway?
是你的“小宝贝”，先生 It's your "youngling", sir.
如果你打个喷嚏，垃圾箱里的碎片就四处乱飞 Those garbage heaps fall apart if you sneeze.
别担心 这是我的特长 worry not. 'Tis my specialty.
需要加油了 It needs oil.
谁让你进来的？ 这是私人领地 who let you in? It's private here.
我正在向吉尼蒂小姐展示我们的城堡 这是我的小宝贝 I'm showing our castle to Lady Ginette. This is my youngling.
嗨，小宝贝 Hi youngling.
她裹的是波斯地毯 she scuzzed up the Persian rug.
名字介绍结束 The game's over.
出去，不然我要叫警察了 Get out, or I'll call the cops.
可你是我的小宝贝 But you're my youngling.
我爱你 I love you.
这次拜访让我很自豪 Thy success makes me proud.
让他们走，渣滓 Let go, scum.
弗雷迪，把狗叫来 Freddy, get the dog.
布鲁特斯？ Brutus?
他们是这里的宾客 There are guests here.
我不在乎 I don't care!
冷静，小宝贝 我们是家人 Calm thyself, youngling. we're kin.
平静下来 Chill out.
够了 Enough!
弗雷迪，放开它 Freddy, let him loose.
啊呀呀 Ah! No ...
你搞错了 那不是出去的路 You flubbed. That's not the way out.
我们必须找到祷告室 我的财宝 we must find the chapel. My treasure!
他会独吞我们家族的财宝 He'll bite off our family jewels!
祷告室 坍塌的修道院 The chapel! The chapel! The ruined abbey!
欢迎，伯尔尼先生 welcome, Mr. Bernay.
好长的路 Long trip.
圣烟 Holy smoke!
欧 Oh.
圣摩西 你装得满满的 Holy Moses! You're loaded.
那只狗怎么办？ What about the pooch?
你的手提袋 Your purse.
我们要套住它 We'll trap him.
我不认识他 I know him not.
一定是一个敌人 Surely one of our enemies.
我的小宝贝 My youngling!
帮帮我 Help!
坚持住，宝贝 Hold on, youngling.
要不是你，我就死了 的确 - Without you, I'd have died. - Indeed.
蚂蟥 Leeches.
蛇的舌头 腐烂的鱼 Serpent tongues. Rotten fish.
都是老巫师的东西 All the old wizard's potions.
一本书 财宝在附近 A book! The treasure is near.
魔咒之书 The Book of spells.
都消失了 All is lost.
那儿刚刚开了 That just opened.
我有点害怕 I'm a little scared.
不冒风险 就没有收获 我先走 Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I'll go first.
我的小宝贝 My youngling!
休伯 递给我绳子 Hub! Give me some slack.
休伯 帮帮我 Hub, help me!
那是本书吗？ Is there a Book?
我的上帝 这是什么？ - My God! - What is it?
是张便条 There's a note.
蒙特米瑞尔的高德福洛埃 如果你来到这里... Godefroy de Montmirail. If you make it here,
“立即在上班时间 拨打687779 call immediately, during office hours, 687779.
找弗迪南德先生” Ask for Mr. Ferdinand.
在这儿 In here.
你不行 只能男人进来 Not you. Only the man.
等一等 对不起，宝贝 - Wait. - sorry, youngling.
我想... I wanted...
太好了 Great.
走近点， 蒙特米瑞尔的高德福洛埃？ Come closer. Godefroy de Montmirail?
拥有这个名字的第一任伯爵？ The first Count to bear that name?
是我 Yes, 'tis I.
我等了三十年了 I've been waiting 30 years.
你是谁？ Who are you?
我是巫师尤萨比尤斯的后代 I am the descendant of the wizard Eusaebius.
我被指令把你及时送回去... I am charged to send you back in time,
以便你能解救尤萨比尤斯的性命... 他现在正在 so you can save the life of Eusaebius, who is at this very moment...
被严刑拷打 being horribly tortured.
我准备好了魔药， 按照秘诀... I prepared the potion, following the recipe
记载在我祖先的魔咒之书里 in my ancestor's Book of spells.
把它放下 魔药在橱柜上 Leave that. The potion is on the shelf.
同样糟糕的臭味 The same ghastly odor.
我祖先的日记里 My ancestor's diary
提到了你的伙伴 mentions your companion.
他在哪儿？ 在城堡 - Where is he? - At the castle.
你和他 You must leave with him
必须在午夜前离开... 不然你就不得不再等三十三年 before midnight. Or else, you'll have to wait 33 years.
如果你不回到你的过去... If you don't return to your past,
另一种未来将会发生... another future will take form,
在那里你将没有后代... in which you have no descendants,
因为你从没结过婚 也没当过小孩的父亲 because you never married and fathered children.
那么？ So?
最大的秘密是什么？ What was the big secret?
我们得返回城堡 Let's return to the castle.
阻挡过我的战车 The chariot that arrested me.
为什么救护车来了？ Why the ambulance?
夫人 快 是你的丈夫 Ma'am, hurry. It's your husband.
让-皮埃尔？ Jean-Pierre?
他大发雷霆 因为你挂断他的电话 He was furious that you had hung up on him.
结果狗咬了他 这边 Then the dog bit him. Come this way.
让-皮埃尔，出什么事了？ Jean-Pierre, what happened?
在我给的士付钱的时候 扎奎尔特的狗咬了我 Jacquart's dog bit me while I was paying the taxi.
你丈夫把他的屁股露给这个女人 Your husband is baring his ass to this woman.
她在抚摸他的屁股蛋 She's caressing his bun'lings.
她在给他打针，噢？ She's giving him a shot. OK?
把他带出去 Get him out.
我想平静地打针 I want my shot in peace.
原谅我，大夫 Excuse me, doctor.
原谅我们 Excuse us.
这是大火车站吗？ 我应该收门票 Is this Grand Central station? I should charge admission!
你在这儿 You're here.
喂 Yes.
是布鲁特斯毫无缘由地咬你 还是你先激怒了它？ Did Brutus attack for no reason, or did you excite him first?
激怒谁？ Excite who?
对不起 牙医伤害了他自己吗？ Excuse me. The dentist hurt himself?
是啊！屁股老被人盯着看让我心烦 I'm sick of having my ass stared at.
让-皮埃尔，你多疑了 没人盯着看 Jean-Pierre, you're paranoid. No one is staring.
有个电话找休伯特表兄 I have a phone call for Cousin Hubert.
高德福洛埃？高德福洛埃？ Godefroy?
高德福洛埃？ Godefroy!
蒙特乔伊 Monijoie!
我是扎奎斯，高德福洛埃 不用对着小盒子大声喊叫 It's Jacquasse, Godefroy. No use shouting at the little box.
别喊了 Stop screaming!
轻轻地对小孔说话 Speak calmly into the little holes.
你在哪儿，农民？ where are you, peasant?
保龄球馆 和吉尼蒂小姐在一起 而且我也不再是农民了 Bowling Alley. with Lady Ginette. And I'm no longer a peasant.
哟 杰基 Yo, Jacky.
我扔球了 我要扔一个球了 I roll the ball. I'm having a ball!
直线 Straight.
我们在玩球 We're having balls.
你是个好主人，高德福洛埃 You were a good master, Godefroy.
高德福洛埃大人 Sire Godefroy!
喂，高德福洛埃 Yes, Godefroy.
最好的主人 比蒙特弗冈好得多 The best master. Better than Montfaucon.
等一下，奴仆 One minute, vassal.
没有奴仆 不再有奴仆了 No vassal. No more vassals.
别打扰你的主人，农民 Leave your Lord alone, peasants.
他以为他是谁？ Who does he think he is?
农民？ 他什么意思？ Peasants? What does he mean?
有问题吗，头？ Problem, chief?
没有 No.
听着 Listen up.
我们可以回家了 家？ - We can go home. - Home?
啤酒和潘诺酒？ Beer and Pernod?
高德福洛埃，我要留下 Godefroy, I'm staying.
啤酒潘诺酒是你要的吗？ The beer and the Pernod: are they for you?
好 Okkk ayyy.
基尼蒂小姐向我求婚了 Lady Ginette proposed to me.
那个白痴是谁？ who's the bozo?
一个小白脸带着那个妓女 A lounge lizard with that floozy.
她穿着高跟鞋 she's wearing high heels.
回来 Come back!
给弗莱尼冈蒂小姐最好的祝愿 Best wishes to Lady Frenegonde.
我会想念你，但是在这儿太快活了 I'll miss you, but I'm too happy here.
你这个疯子 在这儿我们什么 都没有 You lunatic! There's nothing for us here.
我会有的 I'll make do.
你正穿着该死的靴子 You're wearing goddamned boots!
放开我 我不想穿你们的烂鞋 Let me go! I don't want your scummy shoes!
快回到这儿来 Return here hastily.
我不同意 I refuse.
很好 无论你说什么... Very well. whatever you say.
你没有生气吧？ You're not angry?
没有 No.
我们都得死 we all must die.
对，我必须警告你，蠢货 Yes, I must warn you, Crass One.
我遇到了一个巫师 I happened upon a wizard today.
他告诉我 如果在月圆之前你不返回的话... He told me if you didn't return before the full moon,
你的肠胃将会腐烂 your innards would rot.
你将在巨大痛苦中死去 You'll die in great pain.
我不相信你 你想吓唬我 I don't believe you. You want to scare me.
你已经开始腐烂了 You're already rotting.
你嘴里的恶臭就是证明 Take as proof the fetid odor in your mouth.
在十二点之前回来... Come back before tweIve,
不然... or else,
再会 farewell.
高德福洛挨大人 高德福洛埃大人 Sire Godefroy. Sire Godefroy.
高德福洛挨大人 高德福洛挨大人 Sire Godefroy. Sire Godefroy.
原谅我的粗鲁，可我不想回家 Excuse my abruptness, but I'm o'erjoyed to return home.
已经走了？ Leaving already?
太好了 How nice.
你到底住在哪儿？ Where do you live exactly?
家里 Home.
家在哪儿？ Where is "home"?
这或那。你不会明白。 Here and there. You couldn't understand.
他们在密谋什么！ They're plotting something.
他们在围着烟囱嗅来嗅去！ They were nosing around the chimney.
真的吗？ Really...
我要指导一项研究，与你奇怪的房客有关！ I'll conduct an investigation concerning your strange guest.
农民，到这来！ Peasant, come here.
搞什么鬼，用屁股喘气吗！ What the hell, ass-breath!
你闻起来像个臭鼬！ You smell like a dead skunk!
碧翠丝小姐在哪儿？ Where is Lady Beatrice?
她上楼去了！ she's upstairs changing.
你表兄已经答应宴请伯尔尼先生... Your cousin has agreed to dine with Mr. Bernay
以及伯尔尼一家和伯尔尼银行。 of the Bernay and Bernay Bank.
我们银行总是欣赏贵族阶级！ Our bank has aIways appreciated the aristocracy.
愿主保佑你，善良的伯尔尼和伯尔尼！ May the Lord bless you, kind Bernay and Bernay.
他在嘲弄我吗？ Is he teasing me?
我怀疑！ I doubt it.
想一想我的祖先建造了这一切！ To think my ancestors built all this!
那个地牢是死亡之地！我们差一点！ - That dungeon is to die for! - we almost did.
你在做什么？我在展示... - What were you doing? - I was showing...
向我过于理性的丈夫展示我们是如何差一点 my all-too-logical husband how we almost
发现财宝的！ found the treasure.
你在那儿耍弄医生？ You played doctor there?
现在离开我！ Leave me now.
你叫我，伯尔尼先生？ You called me, Mr. Bernay?
告诉我，扎奎尔特... Tell me, Jacquart,
你的表兄蒙特米瑞尔是... is your cousin Montmirail
有一点拉-迪-哒-咦 a little la-dee-dah-ish?
什么是拉-迪-哒-咦？ what is la-dee-dah-ish?
任何人都可能有一个同性恋表兄和酒鬼爸爸！ Anyone can have a gay cousin and an alcoholic father.
没必要困窘不安。 There's no cause for embarrassment.
你以为你是谁竟敢侮辱我快乐退役的爸爸？ Who are you to insult my happily-retired father?
我问过你爸爸是否放屁了吗？ Do I ask if your father farts?
或者你妻子有没有在储藏间酗酒？ Or if your wife boozes it up in the closet?
谈论他的家庭是大忌讳！ Talking about his family is a major taboo.
你知道地牢吗？ You know the dungeon?
这是什么？ What is this?
你没经我允许进入我的房间？ You entered my chamber without requesting audience?
地牢中发现的任何东西都属于本饭店所有！ Anything found in the dungeon belongs to the hotel.
无论值多少！ Whatever it's worth.
那是什么？可卡因？ What is that? Crack?
摇头丸？ LSD?
拿过来！我要分析一下！ Hand it over. I'll have it analyzed.
别耍花招！我全副武装！ No tricks! I'm armed!
希尔达？还在那儿吗？我够走运！ Hilda? Still there? Lucky me.
跳上的士把我的黑色公鸡翎礼服拿来！ Jump in a taxi and bring me my black cocktail dress.
我要参加一个晚宴！ We have a dinner.
休伯，先敲门！ Hub, knock first!
小红球！ The little red balls.
现在怎么了？ what now?
你想要镇定剂，休伯？ You want a tranquilizer, Hub?
出什么事了？ What's wrong?
他进步多了！他意识到他在崩溃中！ He's making progress. He realizes he's cracking up.
没准他会要求被锁起来！ Maybe he'll ask to be locked up.
我对你彻底失望了！ I am totally disappointed in you.
我发誓！ I swear.
马上放开我们！ Free us immediately.
我也要重复这句话！ I'll reduce the sentence.
吞下去，乡巴佬！ 适可而止！ - Swallow, peasant. - Enough's enough.
别为难我！我会保持沉默！ Don't bother with me. I'll keep quiet.
你的休伯特表兄会参加吗？ 很快！ - Is your cousin Hubert joining us? - Soon.
他们在九点半停止服务！ They stop serving at 9:30.
女伯爵！ Countess.
开宴吧！ Let us eat.
你知道有个地牢吗？ Did you know this dungeon existed?
当然不知道！ Of course not!
救命！ Help!
吉邦队长到哪里去了？ Where is sergeant-Major Gibon?
和扎奎斯-亨利在一起！来喝一杯！ with Jacques-Henri. Go have a drink.
在房子上！ On the house.
在过去人们要好客得多！ 'Twas much more hospitable in the past.
我们点着整棵树！ We burned entire trees.
墙和地板都用毯子覆盖！ The walls and floors were covered with rugs.
每晚都不会白白放过... 没有流浪汉，游方歌手，和荡妇！ Not an evening went by without jugglers, minstrels, and trollops.
我记得一个晚上... I remember one evening,
吞火者表演放焰火 弗莱门德斯女士赢了！ the fire-eater set afire Lady Flegmonde's wig.
我们不得不把她穿戴整齐地扔到护城河里！ We had to throw her into the icy moat, fully-dressed.
家庭纪念品如此鲜艳夺目！ Family souvenirs are so vivid.
他讲的真好！你觉得好像你就在那里！ He tells them so well. You feel you're there.
哪儿？ where?
他不是从教堂来的流浪汉吗？ Isn't he the bum from the church?
你还好吧，甜蜜爸爸？ Are you okay, sugardaddy?
我还是不习惯这辆破汽车！ I'm still not used to this jalopy.
天黑了，姑娘！ Evening, wench.
嗨呀，姑娘！ Hiya Missy.
先生，小姐... Sir, ma'am...
靠！高德福洛埃先生在哪儿？ Where's Mr. Godefroy,
该死 dammit?
那儿！ There.
女士们先生们！ Ladies and Gents.
晚上好，女士！ 晚上好，先生！ Good evening, ma'am. Good evening, sir.
我的扎奎斯！你来了！我放心了！ My Jacquasse. You came. I am relieved.
女士们先生们！ Ladies and Gents.
杰拉尔德先生 Mr. Goulard.
来和我们的朋友喝酒，我的蠢货！ Come drink to our friends, my Crass.
在我们离开前！ Before we leave.
什么时候？ When is that?
今晚！ This evening.
今晚？ 晚上旅行？ - Tonight? - Traveling by night?
当然！ Indeed.
我指夜间开车！我的视力是20-20！ I prefer night-driving. I have 20/20 vision.
道路霸占者也很少。 There are fewer road hogs.
除非有雾！ Except in the fog.
我自己还是个直升机驾驶员！ I'm a helicopter-man myself.
我不去了，大人！ I am not going, Sire.
我们要搭便车。 We're getting hitched.
他太害羞了所以不敢请求您发发善心！ He's too shy to ask you to be best man.
你也可以留下来！我有解毒药防止腐烂！ You can stay too. I have the antidote against rot.
你的皮包，基尼蒂！ 接着，妞儿！ - Your purse, Ginette. - Hold on, babe.
我的禁令是狗屎！ My bag's a mess.
有这么多房间你可以在里胡说！ so much room you can shit in it!
什么？ What?
你好，？先生... What do you do, Mr...
凯斯， Kass, as in... "gas".
没有腐烂能经得住牙膏！ No rot can resist tooth pate!
什么？ What?
珍珠美白！ Pearly white!
怎么样？ How 'bout that?
真是太粗野了！ That was really gross.
够了！ Enough.
你在干什么，彪形大汉？ What are you doing, bruiser?
把他扔出去！ Throwing him out.
放开他！ Let go of him!
怎么了？ What's going on?
你还好吗？ Are you okay?
不，大人！ No, Sire!
你不能强迫我回家！ You can't force me to go home!
我不再是一个奴仆了！我是自由人！ I'm not a vassal anymore! I'm free!
革命万岁！ Long live the Revolution!
看！他也是你的小宝贝！ Look. He's your youngling too.
他是个好人！他了解公正！ He was a good man. He knew about justice.
他们砍下了他的头，农民！ They cut off his head, peasant.
弗雷迪！ Freddy!
救命！ Help!
是谁？ Who's that?
你的小宝贝！ Your youngling.
你监禁了他？ You jailed him?
我把它抬起来以便他们能发现他！喝！ I left it so they'll find him. Drink!
我太疼了！ I'm in pain!
嗯，是碧！ Hub, it's Bea.
凯斯先生怎么了？ What happened to Mr. Kass?
我的上帝！我的肚子！ My God! My belly!
我没时间了！听着！ I have no time. Listen.
我在听，休伯特！ I'm listening, Hubert.
我不是休伯特！ I'm not Hubert.
我是高德福洛埃 爱默瑞-麦费蒂... I'm Godefroy Amaury de Malfete,
蒙特米瑞尔的伯爵，以及阿普蒙特和波平郡的伯爵！ Count of Montmirail, of Apremont and of Popincourt.
阿尔蒂波特麦费蒂的儿子希波迪蒙特弗冈！ son of Aldebert de Malfete and Thibaude de Montfaucon.
我是你的祖先！ I am your ancestor.
火把！ Torch.
弗雷德，是你！弗雷迪！ Fred, it's you. Freddy.
我请你原谅，小宝贝！ I beg your pardon, youngling.
我讨厌你的表演！我一点都不相信！ I'm sick of your song and dance. I don't believe a word of it.
故作神秘！ So spill the beans.
狗屎！靠！ Shit! Damn it!
你不相信我？我要给你看一些你从没见过的东西！ You don't believe me? I'll show you something you've never seen.
从没有人见过的东西！ That no one has ever seen.
你以后再也见不到的东西！ That you'll never see again.
汝本人坐好仔细瞧着！ sit thyself down, and watch.
我要吐！ I'm going to vomit.
你胃痛吗？ Does your tummy ache?
凯斯先生哪儿去了？ where is Mr. Kass?
“杰基”怎么会变得这么富有？ How did "Jacky" get so rich?
一辆老爷车可不便宜！ An antique car is no bargain.
这是他的个人财富！ It's his own personal fortune.
他的家族拥有这个俱乐部！他希望我们能结婚！ His family owns this joint. He wants us to tie the knot.
为什么你一开始不告诉我？ Why didn't you tell me from the start?
我告诉你了！ I did.
你不愿意听！ You wouldn't listen.
你是对的！对不起，高德福洛埃！ You're right. I'm sorry Godefroy.
我要走了，碧翠丝！ I'm going, Beatrice.
认识了你我很高兴！ I am very happy to have known you.
高德福洛埃，我太感动了！我能说什么？ Godefroy, I'm so moved. what can I say?
我们不会再见面了！ We'll never meet again.
能触摸到你是如此不寻常... It is so unique to be able to touch you,
我的小宝贝，我永远年轻的小宝贝！ my youngling, my ever-so-young youngling.
你知道... You know,
我说谎了！ I lied.
我不是在寻找财宝... 只是为了魔药！ I was not searching for a treasure, but for the magic potion.
原谅我！ Pardon me.
没有财宝能代替我们的会面！ No treasure can replace our having met.
的确如此！ Indeed.
没有什么能赶得上和后裔的会面！ Nothing can equal meeting one's descendants.
碧？ Bea?
碧？你在吗？ Bea? Are you there?
现在我的生活似乎又要如此乏味了！ My life will seem so boring now.
你必须忘记我！ You must forget me.
你有你的孩子！ You have your children.
从老祖先那里送给弗洛里安和昂达尼一箱子吻！ Give Florian and Ondine a big kiss from an old ancestor.
在你的灵魂深处 And deep in your soul, keep
记住我！ a memory of me.
我爱你，我的碧翠丝！ I love you, my Beatrice.
我也爱你！ I love you too.
一个秘密通道！走这边！ A secret passage. This way!
吉邦队长？ Sergeant-Major Gibon?
你还好吗？你没受伤吧？ Are you okay? You're not hurt?
没有，让-皮埃尔！ No, Jean-Pierre.
休伯特去哪儿了？ where did Hubert go?
你太理智了不会明白的！ You're too rational to understand.
原谅我，你的意思含混不清！ 请回答我！ Spare me your lame interpretations. Answer me, please.
你表兄去哪儿了？ Where is your cousin?
他和凯斯先生离开了！ He left with Mr. Kass.
那个长官走了？ Is the sheriff gone?
你在说什么？凯斯先生在这儿！ What are you saying? Mr. Kass is here.
凯斯先生！ Mr. Kass!
嘘！我必须找到基尼蒂小姐！ Hush! I must find Lady Ginette.
那是谁离开了... Who left with...?
天啊！ Shit!
一只熊在追赶她！ A bear is chasing her!
躲开，我的心上人！ 躲开！ Steer clear, beloved! Steer clear!
回来！ Come back!
如果你在里面发现足够的力量... If you find enough force
你自己 in yourself,
你就能... you will be able
改变箭的轨迹！ to change the course of the arrow.
不！ No!
天啊！ Holy scrotums!
你差点射穿我！ You almost pierced'st me!
杀我女朋友的爸爸？ Slay the father of my lady-love?
你离开的太久了 Your absence was an eternity,
亲爱的高德福洛埃！ dear Godefroy.
好不容易！ 对不起，心上人！ - It's hard! - Sorry, beloved.
扎奎斯，你在哪儿，农民？ Jacquasse, where are you, peasant?
把我的十字弓拿来。 Fetch my crossbow.
他在这儿，大人！ He's here, Sire.
一个穿着小丑衣服的打鼾者！ A-snoring in clown clothes.
我们在哪儿？ Where are we?
弗雷迪在哪儿？ Where's Freddy?
你是谁？ Who are you?
拿着我的十字弓！在城堡里加点油！ Take my crossbow. Oil it at the castle.
你究竟要干什么？ What are you doing here?
跳进河里去！你这个臭家伙！ Jump in the river. You stinketh.
哎，蠢货？你是在吮吸葡萄酒吗？ So Crass? Have you been sucking up wine?
到底怎么了？ What the hell is going on?
服从你的主人！在他的结婚日我不想抽你！ Obey your Lord. I don't want to whip you on his wedding day!
真是！ Indeed!
快点服从，我的扎奎斯！ Obey hastily, my Jacquasse.
废物！ Shit!
靠！ Fuck!
奇怪！ Freakkky!
哦! Okkk ayyy!
把你的珠宝递过来！ Hand over your jewels!
休伯特表兄这作的什么恶梦？ Cousin Hubert! what is this nightmare?
到底怎么了？ What the hell is going on?
我一定是幻觉！ I'm hallucinating!
到底怎么了？ What the hell is going on?
献给忠贞的爱人们！ A little hello to credit-lovers!